A lot of people come to me on Clarapy after it’s too late. They’ve broken up with their partner and the question remains, “How can I get back with my ex!”. If you haven’t already done so, please check out our guide 3 step guide here. Anyway, I have decided to take another look at this topic. Believe it or not, the question is more complex than the answer.
There is an “I” in relationship.. actually two, and often times the “I” in relationship is ignored. I’m not talking about the internal dialog you have with yourself saying things like, “I want more sex… I need this… I wish we could do…” Ignore that I for a moment and turn your attention to the introspective “I”. The “I” that means no harm. The “I” without an ego. “I” really is a big concept in a single letter; because everything you do think, believe and do stems from that “I” — Think of I as a measuring stick against the backdrop of your greatest aspirations about yourself which is a reflection of your life choices.
When we break up with our partner or our partners break up with us, there sometimes can be a strong desire to mend things. I’ve gone through it, most people watching have gone through it and it’s normal in terms of how we all define our I’s (ourselves) in that moment. But if you are currently going through this right now, be NOT hasty in your decision to douse the searing pain in your heart with a rebound or on your knees begging for forgiveness. Those actions while might feel right in the moment will only undermine the understanding of who you are and what you truly want.
It’s like giving a child a toy, then taking them inside a toy store where they only play with the toy they have been given because they are afraid they won’t find joy in another toy. Yes, people aren’t objects in that since, but hopefully you understand.
It’s only when you turn your attention to who you are on the inside, can you actually begin to see past your own pain and therefore what is causing it. Often times, the things that are causing us pain don’t have to do with the other person, as much as they have to do with our own fears about not finding happiness within ourselves or in another relationship. In our grief we are cursing our ex’s wishing they are as miserable as we are. The truth is, you cannot yourself be happy if you cannot wish that truly for someone else. By truly, I’m referring to the “I” wanting that happiness for your ex whether you get back together with them or not. Only then will see your own beauty and the truth in what will fulfill your own happiness. I know, it sounds like a lot of ZEN buddha, let me share with you a brief story on our Clarapy channel.