patience and relationships

After The Breaking Up & The Importance of Patience

Know Yourself & Your Relationship.

It happens to us all.  The stomach pain, the inescapable urge to vomit — when we have a deep sense our relationship is over. No more romance, no more love, no more long strolls on a moonlit beach. As a relationship expert, I speak to most people in this state despair. Often times they are broken battered and confused about what is going on, what is happening to them which is completely understandable. Most people just want to know one thing – how do I get my partner back?

This is the million-dollar question and I have the 999,999 dollars of the answer. Patience. I know it sounds rather cliché even when I typed it, but it’s true. Patience allow you to truly examine yourself from the inside out. I emphasis “inside” because this is the source of your pain and frustration. I’m not suggesting that the situation that led to your break up is entirely your fault but we play a role. No matter what the circumstances, deeply beneath the the surface lie your answer. Mostly what I find as a relationship expert, are feelings of abandonment, low esteem and self-worth. These thoughts are all a reflection of how you see yourself in your immediate situation and in the bigger picture we call life.

Granted this Zen garden approach might sound easy to antagonize and put into practice, but it’s not. Here is why patience comes into play. Years of not loving yourself with a splash of self-deception quickly become obstacles to your success to introspect. And the question to start asking yourself is who am I, no who really I am I? Only you can with certainly answer that. Who you are is not what happened to you, a time, place or who you are with or were with. It’s a much deeper question which has everything to do with what you know to be true for yourself and believe. This requires full honesty to fully investigate. No secrets for thyself.

I know, who cares about the deeper philosophical existential questions… You need to quell these emotional eddies that continue to interfere with your life and the solution is to get back with your ex. Okay, I will break it down for you in 3 steps:

  1. Figure out who you are or who you really want to be.
  2. <Insert> who you are or who you want to be into the equation that’s preventing you from being with your ex (don’t include your ex in the picture).
  3. Evaluate the equation and solve for Y (yourself). If the new you or who you know yourself to be won’t allow you to remain in the situation no matter how painful things are, then the answer is clear although albeit painful. The converse also holds true.

I know it’s probably not what you were hoping for in terms of actionable items.  The good news is Clarapy offers a pathway for you to fully discover this process of who you are by sharing with others. We offer a free chat room where you can interact with people just like you. Also, if you want private help you can speak with experts such as myself.