As a relationship expert, I’ve spoken with many men and the problems we face in our relationships with our partners. One of the most common things I hear guys complaining about is the need to check in with their partners just because. Today I spoke with a woman who was frustrated with her partner. Her frustrations stemmed from her fiancé developing a new passion. He simply was not checking as often with infuriated her. She was so distraught about this, she gave back his engagement ring symbolically decapitating the engagement. There we sit at our perspective Internet devices chatting with one another. She’s trying to find the words to express how sorry she is and how she needs to get her fiancé back. You see her fiancé at this point wanted to take a break.
One of the biggest things that will drive a man crazy is feeling as though he has to check in with mom *cough I mean his partner. It’s one of those universal truths that us men unanimously beat their chests about. I can already hear the other side saying, “We just want to make sure you are alright. What if something happened to you? What if I needed to get a hold of you and I couldn’t?” Unfortunately, men know better, at least we think we do. We generally see it as controlling, and manipulating because our mothers have conditioned us so. Don’t get me wrong. We love our mothers (most of us anyway) and we love our partners, but “the check in” is something we fought against screaming bloody murder. Dad didn’t care if we venture out past 8 o’clock PM while mom worried about us and discouraged it.
Though the Y chromosome resisted the notion of “the check-in” I was trying to help (I will call her Melissa) the resolve the fight between her and her fiancé. I acknowledged the importance of “the check in” only if intent of control wasn’t present. It’s true, being that his fiancé is his number 1 his mind should be on her well-being even if he is haplessly embracing a new passion of his. Even though I think “the check in” was being used by Melissa in this case to say, “I want attention or else”, it does have its place in a healthy relationship. It helps strengthen communication between partners which vital.