Looking For Mr Right In Your Childhood
Have you noticed that we tend to pick a partner who is most like the parent from whom we wanted additional love, attention, acceptance and praise as a child?The reason — because we still want to receive what we have not yet felt we yearned to have as a child. When we pick a partner (looking for mr right) similar to one or both of our parents that lacked giving us what we desired, we’re striving to heal our childhood wounds.
Even if our partner is not like a parent, we’ll often recreate the scene so our partner acts or we imagine them to act like our parent, so hopefully we can now have what we never felt we deserved to have as a child. As we begin to recognize that this “same old dance” doesn’t work for us, or our partner, we can then take responsibility for our self.
We can either choose to ask our partner for what we need, desire or hope for, or we can choose to find healthy ways to give it to our self. In this way we can stop expecting our partner to be our “parent” and we can stop being the “child” in the relationship. We can meet our partner on equal territory and both discover healthy ways to meet each other’s needs, desires and wishes.
- Make a list of your past significant intimate partners.
- Then list their quality characteristics and the negative traits of each of them.
- Star or circle the repeated qualities and negative traits that you have listed from all your partners.
- Now check the qualities and negative traits that are similar to your parent’s characteristics and traits.
- Spend some time reflecting upon what you discovered.
Did you discover the “type” of person you have a tendency to pick for relationships? When we know the “type” of partner we tend to attract, then we can take further responsibility for choosing wisely. You may have been surprised how many similar quality characteristics and negative traits are in every one of your chosen partners. One woman stated, “You would have thought I was in numerous relationships with the same person when I assessed their qualities and traits.” For more suggestions, check out our relationship advice for women who take action section
What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All we love deeply becomes a part of us. -Helen Keller