the girlfriend wants a break

My Girlfriend Wants A Break And Now What?

My Girlfriend Wants A Break, A Cool Off Period And Now What?

Sometimes we find ourselves in a relationship that is on the rocks. We have tried, and have failed, to turn the ship around. When we are stuck in this situation, we can be concerned and even panicked that the relationship will end. And there are times when the person we are in the relationship decides that she is ready for a break. When this happens, we can feel even more scared that we have failed and the relationship is ending. What do we do when the girlfriend wants a break?

Here are some strategies that can help you find your way back from the brink and pull through in the difficult “break period” of a relationship.

Take a Breath

relax and breath
relax and breath

It can be hard to remember, but a break does not mean you have “broken up” with her. For one reason or another, she wants to take a break and that is better than her saying she never wants to see your face again, correct?

So before you have a nervous breakdown or an emotional pity-party, remember that this is a break for both of you. Take a moment to take a deep breath, feel a little weight rise off your shoulders, and appreciate the fact that you have not lost just yet. The worst thing you can do is to become more desperate and fearful, as it both does not look mature and will likely cause you to damage the relationship more.

Do Not Become Paranoid

One of the most corrosive attitudes you can have during a break period is to obsess over why the break occurred. Women are just as complex as men, and there likely is not just one reason you are on a break. By sitting around and obsessing over what it could be, you will inevitably come up with worst-case scenarios that will drive you nearly insane.

Try to remember that she is likely as emotional and lost as you are in the situation, and is likely going through the same worry and concern as you are. Remembering this can help you avoid jealousy, fear, and destructive behavior of your own. A break is not the end-all-be-all and you cannot treat it as such.

Do Not Accuse Her

No matter what your evidence or suspicion, it is important that you do not act as if she is taking a break from you to enact some dastardly plan. Do not become a jealous wretch and accuse her of wanting to be with someone else or being unfaithful. Being the accuser simply turns you into the bad person and pushes her away from you even more than she already is prepared to be.

By accusing her, you are saying there is a lack of trust that what she is doing is for the best. By accusing her of that, you are admitting that trust, a foundation of a relationship, is lacking in the relationship. It’s best to be lay low if your girlfriend wants a break.

Ask Her For a Timeline

Perhaps she has not thought through this break that she is asking for, but it is your right to at least ask if she knows when you can speak again. A lot of times these breaks are after long periods of silent distance or a single explosive argument stemming from persistent troubles. Regardless of the cause, she may simply feel overwhelmed and need space to think.

While she likely will not have a precise date or day, it is okay to ask for a general timeline for when you two can reconnect to check on how progression is going. Asking for this timeline both gives you a goal to work toward and a reconnection point. You are much less likely to lose full contact with her if you have a set date for coffee or lunch.

Take The Time To Better Yourself

Be proactive about who you are as a person. When we are around someone every day, we can lose sight of what makes them special. Take the time she will be away from you to reinvent yourself and discover new qualities about you. When you do this, not only do you better your chances of reestablishing the relationship, but you also show her that you are not stagnant. Even more important, you will feel better about yourself. Everyone can use a little revamp now-and-then, and a relationship break is a perfect time to do it.

Do Not Burn Bridges

When we are being “let go” (a.k.a. your girlfriend wants a break) it is easy to become despondent and to want to tell the other person off. Do not burn those bridges! She is asking you to let go just enough to give her space to think. She is also indirectly asking you to reassess where you are in your life. Instead of acting like she is persecuting you and damning her intentions, let her know that you understand.

Even if you do not fully understand, chances are that if she wants to take a break then you are aware of the relationship’s troubles as well. Allow her to know that you hear what she is saying and validate her concerns. Do not become defensive and demand any sort of satisfaction. Instead, let her know that when she is ready to talk, you will be there.

It is okay to tell her that you would rather not take a break, and that you think both of you can talk it out. There is nothing wrong with wanting to stand your ground and defending the relationship. At the same time, you must allow her to know that your door is always open and your phone is always on. This will allow her to know what a special and important person she has possessed in her life.

Last Note:

The “break period” can be unbelievably difficult. Time almost stands still as you wait for the day you can reconnect with the person or know you’ve lost them for good. It is almost like an ungodly purgatory on earth that you must endure. Perhaps the hardest part is going on with your daily tasks, but you must. Remembering that life continues during these difficult break periods, and always remembering to breath, can help you succeed in surviving such times. Also, remember that even though your girlfriend wants a break, you are taking your own time to evaluate things for yourself.

If you need more help, you can always reach out to our therapists or you can check out our relationship advice for men section for more tips.