Check your emotional baggage

Overcoming Past Relationship Emotional Baggage

Letting Go of Emotional Baggage

Are you giving up on love as a single seeking your ideal partner? Often we fail to recognize the lessons a relationship provides for us, and the opportunity it gives for us to grow. There are times when you can no longer hang onto a relationship and that you finally realize you and your partner are no longer an appropriate match. But when all is said and done, what are the lessons and how do you get rid of all of your emotional baggage?

If you don’t get the lessons you tend do the same dance all over again, but this time with a different partner. To get the lessons from an unsuccessful relationship choose to see how much had to do with you and how much had to do with your partner. It works to your benefit to own 50% of the relationship collapse. You can only do something about your 50%, but if you don’t own your part, you tend to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again – until you finally get the message.

Your 50% might be as simple as some of the following:

  1. Not having clear boundaries and setting expectations to have your partner honor them.
  2. Not being clear with your needs going into a relationship.
  3. Not knowing what creates you to thrive in a day-to-day loving relationship.
  4. Not getting necessary information from your potential partner to see if he or she is capable and willing to meet your needs.
  5. Not asking for what you desired from your partner.
  6. Not being open and honest with your partner.
  7. Choosing defensive statements instead of empathic statements, when your partner expressed his or her thoughts and feelings.

To keep your heart open to love, it does not serve you to blame your past partner’s for not loving you or doing their part in creating the relationship to be successful. Yes, it always takes two to be in a romantic relationship. And also remember it takes two to fight, two to make love and two to create the success or neglect of the relationship. So, no matter who was wrong, who said what, who did what or didn’t do – the important thing is what role did you play, because that’s the part you can do something about. Holding onto your anger and resentment only hurts you – not your past partner. This is all part of forgiveness and understanding your emotional baggage and how to let go of it.

When a relationship ends, don’t pack up your past mistakes and grievances and carry it into to your next relationship. By doing so you’re closing your heart, and also hanging onto your fear that it will happen all over again.

Instead choose to:

  1. Let go of the hurt, anger, resentment, disappointment and revenge.
  2. Honestly own how your participation and the role you played did not work for the highest good of the relationship.
  3. Recognize how you could or would not meet your partner’s needs and desires.
  4. Decide what you are going to do different to create the success of your upcoming relationship.
  5. Honor the gifts that came from the previous relationship’s.
  6. Accept the lessons and be grateful for the experience.
  7. Bless your past partner/s and release them to their greatest good.
  8. Then get clear on what your needs are in a relationship, so you’re able to choose an ideal partner that you can both meet each other’s desires.

It may be deciding to find a person that is more like you, who has similar personality, desires, needs, characteristics, and values as you do. Don’t expect someone to be who they are not, just because there is great chemistry and physical attraction, or because he or she can take care of you in away that you can’t take care of yourself. Don’t expect someone to be or do what you cannot be or do for yourself.

Keep your heart open for love, it could be right around the corner and you certainly don’t want love to pass you by. Leave your emotional baggage at the door! Keep your eye out for more relationship tips or check out section on how to save a relationship


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