Real relationship advice from counselors you can chat with.
Category: How to Fix a Broken Relationship
If you are have found this section, it seems probable that you are looking for information on how to get back together with your ex-partner, how to mend a broken relationship or how to save a relationship. Well, I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is that it is possible and even easy to get back with your ex provided and to fix things if you do the right things. This section contains Articles that will help you do just that take your time and look for article that are most appropriate for you and I am sure before you know it you will be back with the one you love.
First of all, let me say what you should not do, although you may be tempted to. You should not get so depressed that you break down in utter despair and cry all the time (if you are at that point you can get relationship help here). If you think that behaving like this is the way to win your ex’s sympathies, you’re wrong. This is a surefire way of actually driving him or her further away. I’m not saying you should pretend as though your ex meant nothing to you. But you should be as normal as possible. It is alright to express your sorrow or regret as it is to show that you are sad. But don’t go to pieces over the breakup, don’t drown your sorrows in alcohol or any self-destructive thing like that. That certainly is not how to fix a broken relationship.
Also, do not act on impulse and immediately find someone else whether to overcome your loneliness or worse still, to make your ex jealous. You both need time to heal, think things through, evaluate where you each went wrong etc. A new relationship is the last thing you need immediately after a breakup.
Before we get too deep into the topics and secrets of how to fix a broken relationship, please browse our articles on the subject. If you want to know what the experts say about saving your relationship read the post.
A lot of people come to me on Clarapy after it’s too late. They’ve broken up with their partner and the question remains, “How can I get back with my ex!”. If you haven’t already done so, please check out our guide 3 step guide here. Anyway, I have decided to take another look at this topic. Believe it or not, the question is more complex than the answer.
There is an “I” in relationship.. actually two, and often times the “I” in relationship is ignored. I’m not talking about the internal dialog you have with yourself saying things like, “I want more sex… I need this… I wish we could do…” Ignore that I for a moment and turn your attention to the introspective “I”. The “I” that means no harm. The “I” without an ego. “I” really is a big concept in a single letter; because everything you do think, believe and do stems from that “I” — Think of I as a measuring stick against the backdrop of your greatest aspirations about yourself which is a reflection of your life choices.
When we break up with our partner or our partners break up with us, there sometimes can be a strong desire to mend things. I’ve gone through it, most people watching have gone through it and it’s normal in terms of how we all define our I’s (ourselves) in that moment. But if you are currently going through this right now, be NOT hasty in your decision to douse the searing pain in your heart with a rebound or on your knees begging for forgiveness. Those actions while might feel right in the moment will only undermine the understanding of who you are and what you truly want.
It’s like giving a child a toy, then taking them inside a toy store where they only play with the toy they have been given because they are afraid they won’t find joy in another toy. Yes, people aren’t objects in that since, but hopefully you understand.
It’s only when you turn your attention to who you are on the inside, can you actually begin to see past your own pain and therefore what is causing it. Often times, the things that are causing us pain don’t have to do with the other person, as much as they have to do with our own fears about not finding happiness within ourselves or in another relationship. In our grief we are cursing our ex’s wishing they are as miserable as we are. The truth is, you cannot yourself be happy if you cannot wish that truly for someone else. By truly, I’m referring to the “I” wanting that happiness for your ex whether you get back together with them or not. Only then will see your own beauty and the truth in what will fulfill your own happiness. I know, it sounds like a lot of ZEN buddha, let me share with you a brief story on our Clarapy channel.
It happens to us all. The stomach pain, the inescapable urge to vomit — when we have a deep sense our relationship is over. No more romance, no more love, no more long strolls on a moonlit beach. As a relationship expert, I speak to most people in this state despair. Often times they are broken battered and confused about what is going on, what is happening to them which is completely understandable. Most people just want to know one thing – how do I get my partner back?
This is the million-dollar question and I have the 999,999 dollars of the answer. Patience. I know it sounds rather cliché even when I typed it, but it’s true. Patience allow you to truly examine yourself from the inside out. I emphasis “inside” because this is the source of your pain and frustration. I’m not suggesting that the situation that led to your break up is entirely your fault but we play a role. No matter what the circumstances, deeply beneath the the surface lie your answer. Mostly what I find as a relationship expert, are feelings of abandonment, low esteem and self-worth. These thoughts are all a reflection of how you see yourself in your immediate situation and in the bigger picture we call life.
Granted this Zen garden approach might sound easy to antagonize and put into practice, but it’s not. Here is why patience comes into play. Years of not loving yourself with a splash of self-deception quickly become obstacles to your success to introspect. And the question to start asking yourself is who am I, no who really I am I? Only you can with certainly answer that. Who you are is not what happened to you, a time, place or who you are with or were with. It’s a much deeper question which has everything to do with what you know to be true for yourself and believe. This requires full honesty to fully investigate. No secrets for thyself.
I know, who cares about the deeper philosophical existential questions… You need to quell these emotional eddies that continue to interfere with your life and the solution is to get back with your ex. Okay, I will break it down for you in 3 steps:
Figure out who you are or who you really want to be.
<Insert> who you are or who you want to be into the equation that’s preventing you from being with your ex (don’t include your ex in the picture).
Evaluate the equation and solve for Y (yourself). If the new you or who you know yourself to be won’t allow you to remain in the situation no matter how painful things are, then the answer is clear although albeit painful. The converse also holds true.
I know it’s probably not what you were hoping for in terms of actionable items. The good news is Clarapy offers a pathway for you to fully discover this process of who you are by sharing with others. We offer a free chat room where you can interact with people just like you. Also, if you want private help you can speak with experts such as myself.
What are flirting signs? How do you know if your spouse is just being friendly or flirting? After you read this you will know what to look for and what is REALLY going on.
Sometimes it’s hard to read a person’s body language, but if you pay close attention and know what to look for then it’s easier. Flirting signs can be obvious or not so obvious so you need an eye for detail, especially if they’re trying to not get caught.
Here’s a list of some obvious and not so obvious flirting signs:
Frequent eye contact and looking them up and down.
To add to this women and men have different flirting signs. The men tend to be more bold and aggressive, especially when drinking. They actually stare intently and try to get the woman alone somehow. So, they are easier to catch.
The women, however, are more subtle and do things like playing with their hair and tossing their head, glancing out of the side of their eyes and rubbing their body slowly to attract his attention to that particular area. They also lean in to try and brush up against them, ever so softly, as to not get noticed.
These flirting signs will be sure to show up if your spouse is indeed flirting all you need to do is watch and listen. It’s best if you’re not obvious and pretend you’re distracted doing something else then they will let their guard down for sure.
Once you are pretty sure the flirting signs are for real then you need to have a heart to heart talk about the matter. That’s right, confrontation! However, wait until you’re calm, not nagging about it and not angry so that you can discuss it in a rational manner. Let them know flirting is unacceptable to you and that they need to stop doing it.
Flirting doesn’t necessarily mean they have intentions of cheating (see signs you should break up), in fact, many do it just to feed their ego or to get attention, but that doesn’t make it right.
One of the keys to a great relationship is emotional transparency. These emotions that are usually not expressed can be the deeper ones like fear, sadness and longing.
Intimacy is about revealing yourself to your partner. In to me I see is just what intimacy is all about.
One needs to learn not to blame your partner for your own emotional reactions. Also it is important to take personal responsibility for your own feelings. If you live with an abusive man you can always leave instead of blaming him or yourself for your situation.
One of the best ways to communicate without the blame mode is to say, “When you did that I felt sad inside. Generally, men need to learn to communicate more about fear, sadness and longing while women need to speak about anger.
Emotional Transparency in Relationships: Tip 2
Moments of emotional transparency can totally change a relationship for the better. Most of us need some encouragement to be more open. This is because we do not want our partner to react. We depend on our partner for our positive sense of self. We take it easy and do not express what we are really feeling.
When we hide big secrets from our lover, this uses a lot of energy. The art of telling our partner our feelings frees the energy that previously bound up in the efforts to keep those feeling hidden.
Why is it so hard to say I feel hurt or I feel sad? Most of us have not been taught the importance of emotional transparency. Many of us tend to dismiss our feelings and avoid the more negative ones like anger.
However, if you resist feeling the negative feelings you are training yourself not to fully feel the feelings like joy and bliss.
If you fully feel the negative emotions they pass though in 5 to 10 seconds. If you resist feeling these relationships they get stored in your body on some level.
Emotional Transparency in Relationships: Tip 2
I do not suggest you express your anger to your partner in a physical way. If you get angry, the best thing to say “I feel angry” and “I need some space”. Leave the room and walk, dance or hit the bed to fully express the anger in a safe manner. When you are not triggered anymore, go back and communicate with your partner.
The best question to ask is “Have I talked to anyone any significant thing that I have not talked to my partner about”?
It takes courage to commit to emotional transparency in your relationship. Being able to calm yourself if your partner reacts is a real skill of a mature adult. I like to think of the saying, do not take things personally.
Try to catch your mind when you emotionally react to a situation beyond your control. If you see your reaction you can watch it and notice it will dissolve away in a minute or so. If you breathe deeply and move your body this also helps emotions face away.
Have fun in the challenging of emotional transparency with your partner.
Life was much easier when you were a child. You would fall and scrape your knee, and you would get a band-aid. Maybe you felt bad about something that happened at school, your mom would sit you down with chocolate chip cookies and milk and listen while you told about your bad grade or time at recess. Understanding relationship communication now has become much more complex. There are several other psychological foundations that are needed in order to relate with others and respond in the best way.
Empathy versus Sympathy
If you are communicating with a friend or a loved one, you will need more than a bag of band-aids. Understanding the different ways to respond, and evaluating the most constructive communication can help you to become more constructive in your communication with others. If there is a dramatic happening, an emotional response to a situation or a phase in life that a friend needs help with, you can easily begin to balance the situation by your response.
One of the levels of communication that you can take with a relationship is by understanding the difference between empathy and sympathy. Both of these responses, while being effective, will provide more effective band-aids to what is being communicated with you. This will allow you to move deeper into a relationship and to begin to make a sincere connection with the communication that is occurring.
Responding through sympathy is known to be the band-aid for relationship communication. Being sympathetic for someone is simply the first step in a relationship. For example, if someone tells you about something that has occurred you will most likely respond by saying, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that happened to you.” This is a sympathetic response because you are sorry for what has happened.
“…empathy… you are willing to understand the pain of the wound that has occurred.”
When you are practicing empathy, you are more willing to move deeper into the sympathetic understandings. Rather than a band-aid, you are willing to understand the pain of the wound that has occurred. Empathic understand requires you to move deeper into the situation and feel the pain that is being expressed to you through the communication. You will have the ability to evaluate what the other person is feeling and link it to your own emotions which will create the deeper understandings and empathy by feeling the pain the other person is going through.
Why Practice Empathy?
Many individuals will wonder what the big deal is about using empathy in a relationship. What is the difference between acknowledging someone’s level by using sympathy or by understanding it an internal level? The other person is obviously learning how to move past it and is able to express their emotions on their own.
When you begin to practice empathy in your relationships, you can also begin to create deeper and more intimate relationships with the other person. You are able to share the pain that is taking place. The result is a better support system and the ability to begin working on the feelings that have taken hold of the other person. Being in an intimate relationship with another person requires this deeper level of understanding.
Beyond understanding will be the ability to support and find ways to analyze the situation. When deeper levels of understanding occur, you are able to create a more constructive support system. When you can truly understand another’s pain, you can help them to begin to examine the emotions and move outside of the space that has been created for the suffering or sadness that they are going through. The result will be the ability to move the emotions into another direction towards changes and initiation past the pain that is occurring.
How to Practice Empathy
While sympathy is the beginning to good communication and understand, empathy can help move beyond the superficial levels of a relationship into true understand. Learning how to become empathetic to another person will give you the ability to have a more intimate relationship that is more conducive of growth and complete understanding.
You can begin to create more intimate relationships with someone by learning how to be sincere and emphatic with someone. The beginning of this is by learning how to listen to someone on deeper levels. The first step to doing this is to listen to what is being said, not only through the situation that is being described, but also by the emotions that are attached to the situation.
After you are able to identify the feelings that are being stated, you can acknowledge your understanding of these feelings. This can either be done by internalizing the feelings or asking questions until you truly understand how the feelings have affected the person. Acknowledging and internalizing what is being said will help you to begin to create sympathy on a deeper level, moving into empathy for the other person’s pain.
Once you have created a connection by internalizing the feelings and situation is when you can begin to combine empathy with sympathy. You will begin to truly understand the pain from the other person and can then acknowledge that you understand how they feel. This acknowledgement can then be used in order to begin to evaluate and examine what has happened, leading to more intimate and constructive processes of friendship.
Understanding and practicing empathy is an important skill if you want to create relationships at a deeper and more intimate level. While sympathy can work as an acknowledgment, it is also seen as a band-aid. It can cover up the wound, but does not necessarily help for the pain to go away. Empathy on the other hand, will provide a medicine for the other person to begin to heal from the emotional and mental wound that has occurred. The result will benefit both the other person in progressing towards a better understanding of what is occurring as well as the ability for you to support and help the other person into more constructive abilities for moving past the problem. True and sincere connections in any relationship begin with abilities to practice empathy, while providing constructive solutions.
There’s one choice you can make that will change your life for the better. No one does anything TO you – YOU do it to yourself. It’s your choice to give emotional meaning and significance to another person’s actions, and it’s your choice to decide how you want to respond. The ability to choose a better emotional state for yourself is what I call “Emotional Intelligence” And when you achieve ownership, you will also be able to help others in their emotional state.
My friend Sara is a perfect example of someone with emotional ownership. Several years ago, Sara told me about the time she was able to resolve an issue that was causing conflict in her relationship with her boyfriend. Her technique of
resolving her boyfriend’s emotional issues about commitment utterly amazed me:
“If my boyfriend is emotionally having a hard time with
anything in our relationship, or personally, I take responsibility
in helping him get it taken care of. I don’t resist him or make
anything more difficult, because I know that in the long run it’s
in the best interest of our relationship.”
I can’t tell you how awestruck I was when I heard what she said. I’d never heard a woman talk so directly about how she approached issues that affected how she got along with a man. I’ve never heard of anyone (a man or a woman) taking complete responsibility and ownership for the entire emotional experience the other person is having in a relationship.
There’s something lots of the different martial arts disciplines promote—you can use the strength, force, and energy exerted by the other person to your own benefit. When men and women argue or have other intense emotional interactions, what often happens is that the man will automatically oppose the woman’s stance. And women often do the same with men.
The better strategy is to go WITH the person, especially if there is some big issue at stake. But the key here is that you have to be in a mental and emotional place where you’re comfortable doing this—you have to have emotional ownership
for what you’re saying, feeling, and doing. To go WITH a man in this way, here are some ideas:
Agree with the man’s argument. A man becomes attached to his negative feelings when he’s irritated, upset, or having a tough time with something. So he closes off his mind to other ways of seeing things. You can’t talk him out of them and when you try, you’re telling him that his feelings are wrong. This makes a man close his mind off even further. So agree with him. “Yes, there’s not much of a future for us.” When you don’t defend yourself, the man will start opening
up and do it for you.
Don’t whine, pressure, or complain. Find a way to be personally happy with the way things are and let the man be right with anything that he says is wrong. It’s not that he IS right; it’s that you can reframe what he does with it.
Be a little bit less available with your time and emotions if a man is being difficult emotionally or won’t own up to his end of an issue. Give him the gift
of missing you. All these ideas use the martial arts technique of taking the energy that’s coming at you and deflecting it from affecting you. And if things are especially difficult, just have short and simple interactions. Be happy, succinct, and talk about things other than the issue that’s looming.
Relationships take work. Fun work usually, but sometimes it is arduous work. Knowing how to fix a relationship with happy and hard work will ensure a long love life. A happy life is one lived in love. If you are in a relationship that needs fixing, here are some secrets that if followed, will put the sizzle back in your current fizzle.
The main reason relationships sour over time is that either one or both of the partners have neglected the special bond that exists between them. This is such an easy crime to commit against your relationship for two reasons: life is hectic and relationships take work. Knowing how to fix a relationship means giving time and energy.From the first date and every day thereafter, each person in the relationship has to make the decision to be in the relationship. Loving relationships need nurturing and support. There are some simple little everyday activities a partner can do for another partner that will go miles to keep love alive. Everyone these days has a cell phone and is quite savvy with text messaging. Have you ever thought it possible to save your relationship with a few text messages? Well, it is just that simple. Here we explain how your text messaging powers will heal any broken relationship at anytime.
WHAT SORT OF ‘WORK’ DOES A RELATIONSHIP NEED?
When we use the word ‘work’ to describe what a relationship needs, we are referring to the constant everyday gestures that keep love alive and fun. For instance, little unexpected phone calls just to say “I love you” or “you are gorgeous, by the way” and such can be all a woman or man need to feel free to fall deeply in love.This ‘work’ takes courage of the heart and mind. Falling in love is scary business for many people. When one partner takes the time to fully support the other partner’s sense of security in the relationship, a deep bond begins to form between the two. Once one partner begins this, the other partner can bath in the warm rays of the loving attention for a while. However, the other partner must also return the same affection-showering. Knowing how to fix a relationship means knowing how to show your love.
HOW TO HELP A RELATIONSHIP
If you are one of millions of people who want to know how to fix a relationship, take comfort. There is a way to fix every broken relationship. It only takes one person in the relationship to do the initial work of repair and mending hurt feelings. Remember, if you want to fix your relationship, you can neither blame yourself nor your partner for the damage done. All you can do is start quickly down the path of healing.Of course, every relationship is different because of the two people involved. If there were a quick fix cure for each relationship, we’d all be happily in love everyday. Only you know what your partner needs from you. You also know what you need from your partner and whether or not you are getting your needs met. Relationships take communication first and foremost.
Not just one or two deep conversations but constant daily conversations to stay on track. Most couples break up is often the result of a lack of communication, if you are serious to get back your ex with a better communication skill, you can find out more about in our ultimate secrets steps procedure that illustrate clearly how to get your ex back. This is a tried and proven system that improves not only relationship but also your communication with your partner.
Relationships bring out the most insecure and childish behavior in people because of the intensity of the feelings involved. Each person in the relationship is full of insecurities that are either just below the surface or hidden deep in their hearts. The responsibility of each person must be to communicate their honest and innermost truths to their partner. There is no other way to alleviate such potential relationship curses.
Communication doesn’t always mean having painful and embarrassing talks about troubles and worries. Real communication should be joyful, arousing and playful between two people to keep the love alive. Not only to keep the love alive but also to ignite the fire that can burn between two people for a lifetime. Tell your mate how much you adore him or her constantly. Give yourself and your soulmate the chance to feel like a teenager in love again you’re your own thrilling thoughts and words.If you want to learn how to fix a relationship, you’re about to find out. It is as close as your cell phone. If you have found yourself in such a rut, there’s a way out. You and your partner can be quickly back in love and start fresh with just the touch of your cell phone buttons. Be glad you live in the age of technology and have something as simple as a text message capability. It literally will save your relationship. If you think it’s too good to be true, you are in for a pleasant surprise. Your relationship can be saved with just a simple text message.
How to Rekindle A Relationship With Oh-So-Passionate Intimacy With Your Partner
Relationships are cornerstones of human experiences. They can bring great pleasure to one’s life. But they are also quite challenging and difficult at times. The intimacy of a loving relationship can sometimes fade over time. This can happen for a multitude of reasons. So, it’s time to learn how to rekindle a relationship.
Knowing how to revive that lost or waning intimacy is important to ensure that a person and his or her loved one can continue life together in happiness. The marriage vows of “For richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health…” are not just words for those who are married to be honest. They are words that one should take to heart when they care for someone deeply. The thought of that commitment should push one to regain that intimacy that have lost along the road of a long relationship.
Be Honest About the Problem
If there is a lack of intimacy, it should be noted as soon as possible. There is no shame in being honest about the fact that a component of the relationship is missing. Being able to talk about problems of any type is an important part of a functioning relationship.
There is no worse sign for a relationship than the inability to be upfront and honest with one another. It is important that both can bring up the problem to the spouse. It is also important that they can bring up the problem to you. Perhaps he or she will be the one to notice that there is something lacking in the relationship. In that case, you must be equally as open to him/her feeling that something is lacking.
Do Not Make It Personal
When you decide to bring up the lack of intimacy, it is important not to act like it is your partners fault. Most people will naturally become defensive when you bring up that there is a lack of intimacy. That is because one often feels like a finger is being pointed at them as the root cause.
Make sure that you explain the feeling of a lack of intimacy, with love and with an understanding that part of the problem lies with you. A lack of intimacy often means a lack of connectivity. This is rarely a single person’s fault. Instead, it is the effect of busy schedules or loss of like-interests weighing on the relationship.
Whether or not you decide to have the direct conversational approach, you must plan to find ways to reconnect with your partner. Most couples who lack intimacy do so because they have lost the sort of connection they had at the start of their relationship.
This can slowly happen over time as two people become too comfortable with one another. It can be almost as if you become more friends than intimate partners do. To counteract that progression, it may be best that you plan vacations, excursions, or adventures together. These do not have to be large events every time. A romantic dinner prepared by you, or a day-trip to your partner’s favorite type of music can be all it takes.
Think of What Makes Your Partner Swoon
Sure, you have been feeling the lack of intimacy just as much as your partner has. However, you are the person who has decided to be proactive about it. Someone has to make the first move, and this time it is you. So take the time to figure out what it is that will make your partner swoon. Remember what it is that you did to gain his or her affection in the first place.
By extending the courtesy to your partner, it shows that you care. Showing that you care can often lead to them reciprocating the affection. It really can be as simple as showing that you have not forgotten about your partner, to make them recharge their affection for you. So whether it is a trip they have always wanted to take, a music gala they adore, or a type of activity they have always tried to get you to do, give them what they want. You will be surprised how often that turns to a surge of intimacy later.
Push the Boundaries of the Comfort Zone
By comfort zone, what is meant is the day-to-day norm of how you and your partner interact. We can sometimes fall into a routine with our partners. When this occurs, there is almost an inevitable drop in intimacy. It is nobody’s fault, as life demands a particular routine from time to time. However, we must be willing to break out of the routine when intimacy is being sacrificed for too long. Find an activity or event that you and your partner have always talked about doing, but never did.
Look for ways you can invoke even a small amount of danger, fear, or adrenaline. Couples who enjoy these types of activities often have more vibrant relationships. You do not have to start by skydiving on the first day, nor do the activities have to literally scare you. All you are looking for is to increase the heart rate of the relationship. When the adrenaline flows, so too, can the passion. These should get the wheels a grinding for how to rekindle a relationship.
Getting Over A Relationship With Your Dignity Intact
Breaking a meaningful relationship is traumatic, something similar to death. You mourn the loss of a relationship. You miss your soul mate. You feel tremendous grief and also feel let down. You feel anger and resentment towards the world and ask why me? Why is there difficulty in getting over a relationship.
These symptoms mark the mourning period of your relationship and so don’t lose heart.
Here are some helpful guidelines in getting over a relationship.
In life we always make certain choices and we have to live with them. Whether for good or worse we learn from these experiences as experience is the greatest teacher in life.
So during the mourning period it is okay to feel sad. After all the person whom you shared all your moments has left you. So cry as much as you want. Just remember not to take up any new work or project during this phase.
Just concentrate on letting your grief out and take care of yourself. That means eat healthy foods and fill up your fridge with healthy goodies so that your hands do not reach out for the high sugar foods.
The next important thing to do is to write down all your feelings on paper. You could maintain a dairy. If you have a friend, then unburden all your feelings on to him and get a good cry.
Now after you have made a clean abreast of everything now it is time to analyze what went wrong. What were your mistakes and how you could improve? Look at the situation practically and come up with your areas of improvement. Tough to do it, I know. But just remember you need to clean up the past from your mind and heart.
After all this is done, set a date for yourself when you can come out of the mourning phase. On this date just buy yourself something, like a new dress or a bunch of roses. You can even buy the new scent which you have been hankering after.
Believe me you will feel much better. This is a key step in getting over a relationship
Now take up some new activity. It could be a new hobby or read some interesting books or go see a new movie. Get busy and productive. Let the mind not dwell too much in the past.
After everything is said and done and you are finally out of the depression, keep your distance with your ex.
You may have parted as friends but you will definitely require time to adjust. So do not keep calling him or sending messages. Hold on to your dignity is another key aspect of getting over a relationship.
Lastly to summarize the whole love breakup in Plato’s words, Love: a grave mental disease.
You are dealing with a situation where someone has broken a solemn promise to a person they have guaranteed their life’s affection to. There are hurt feelings, lost respect and hope, and the feeling that there may be no way back. Figure out if you are capable of moving forward after a spell of infidelity is one of the harder decisions a couple has to make. However, a necessary activity so that you can move forward with life, whether it is together or alone. For the best opportunity to succeed, there are some basic concepts to keep in mind for how to survive an affair.
Admit the Problem
One of the most important aspects when dealing with infidelity is to admit that there was infidelity to begin with. This is important for both the person who acted and their partner. The person who was unfaithful must be willing to see and admit their transgression for what it is.
The partner must be willing to look at the person who was unfaithful and see him or her as both the same person they love as well as the person who was unfaithful. If the couple cannot admit to the seriousness and reality of the situation at hand, then there is little hope of actually being capable of overcoming the seriousness of the situation.
Honesty About What Happened
When one has caused a relationship to be cast upon the rocks due to infidelity, he or she must be honest. Without pure honesty, there is not any hope of rebuilding any relationship. A person who has acted unfaithfully can still salvage hope if they can remain honest.
Honesty means coming out with the truth before being blamed, as well as not attempting to hide anything if confronted. This honesty means being willing to divulge the entirety of the infidelity. There is an important distinction to make, which is that being honest does not mean giving every detail.
The partner does not want to you lay out every single detail of your affair, but instead simply needs to know what, when, and who with the transgressions occurred. Holding back the basic information can do no good and only leaves unrooted problems for later.
Honesty About What You Want
Both parties must be clear on if the relationship has any salvaging possibility at all. It is best not to attempt to make this decision right away. However, most of us know immediately whether we can truly recover from the current emotional damage. Being honest is the best way tactic in how to survive an affair.
What is most important is that both parties are honest. Both persons may feel there is simply no point in trying any more, which saves time and wasted effort. However, if one or both still want to try to find a way through the difficult time, then they can move to the next phase of recovery.
While it may be difficult, giving each other proper space to deal with the affair is important. Not everyone deals with these issues in the same manner. Furthermore, not everyone can handle the emotional pangs of seeing their partner after an affair has been brought to the surface.
Giving space does not have to mean moving apart or temporarily breaking up. Giving space can simply mean not trying to force the issue of fixing the problem. Allow the person to be angry and vent in his or her own way. If the partner needs to stay with family or asks you to leave temporarily, it is often best to comply and let emotions cool down.
Seek Outside Help
Very few individuals possess the capabilities to work out the complex emotional damage an affair can cause. Even therapists or couples specialist can deal with personal issues by themselves and often seek outside help. It is very difficult to navigate the emotions of that come up during the unearthing of an affair and the attempts to rebuild a relationship. Seeking the help of a trained professional is often the best hope a couple has. A specialist can guide emotion and wanted action in the proper way and at appropriate levels.
Allow Time to Heal
It can be very difficult to fathom in the moment, but time truly does heal all wounds. Trying to force healing is often a very poor idea and only does more harm than good. Instead, be supportive of the process of healing. Be aware that emotional wounds take a considerable amount of time to heal, especially when trust is lost. Time also allows you to improve on your own character and ability to show the partner that you care. This is true for both sides of the issue. Many times those who have been hurt try to force themselves to heal too quickly, only to have negative repercussions later.
Build Back Slowly
As stated above, time must do its work. You cannot force the healing and reconnection process to occur. Instead, taking the time to first improve the self and then improve the relationship is the only surefire way to have possible success. While it may be hard to comprehend in the heat of anguish and anger, making small day-to-day improvements on the broken relationship is key. Build small moments of trust every day can help begin to build back what was lost by having an affair.
Being able to find moments to laugh together again, no matter how small and ridiculous will also slowly begin to build back a worthwhile friendship. It is a foolhardy to attempt to conjure a grandiose action that you believe will make everything better. While the gesture may be appreciated and admired in the short-term, the hard facts are that with an affair, a relationship is broken. Luckily, many things that are broken can be mended, and they just take time and concerted effort. Hopefully, you have some more insight into how to survive an affair.