My Girlfriend Wants A Break And Now What?

My Girlfriend Wants A Break, A Cool Off Period And Now What?

Sometimes we find ourselves in a relationship that is on the rocks. We have tried, and have failed, to turn the ship around. When we are stuck in this situation, we can be concerned and even panicked that the relationship will end. And there are times when the person we are in the relationship decides that she is ready for a break. When this happens, we can feel even more scared that we have failed and the relationship is ending. What do we do when the girlfriend wants a break?

Here are some strategies that can help you find your way back from the brink and pull through in the difficult “break period” of a relationship.

Take a Breath

relax and breath
relax and breath

It can be hard to remember, but a break does not mean you have “broken up” with her. For one reason or another, she wants to take a break and that is better than her saying she never wants to see your face again, correct?

So before you have a nervous breakdown or an emotional pity-party, remember that this is a break for both of you. Take a moment to take a deep breath, feel a little weight rise off your shoulders, and appreciate the fact that you have not lost just yet. The worst thing you can do is to become more desperate and fearful, as it both does not look mature and will likely cause you to damage the relationship more.

Do Not Become Paranoid

One of the most corrosive attitudes you can have during a break period is to obsess over why the break occurred. Women are just as complex as men, and there likely is not just one reason you are on a break. By sitting around and obsessing over what it could be, you will inevitably come up with worst-case scenarios that will drive you nearly insane.

Try to remember that she is likely as emotional and lost as you are in the situation, and is likely going through the same worry and concern as you are. Remembering this can help you avoid jealousy, fear, and destructive behavior of your own. A break is not the end-all-be-all and you cannot treat it as such.

Do Not Accuse Her

No matter what your evidence or suspicion, it is important that you do not act as if she is taking a break from you to enact some dastardly plan. Do not become a jealous wretch and accuse her of wanting to be with someone else or being unfaithful. Being the accuser simply turns you into the bad person and pushes her away from you even more than she already is prepared to be.

By accusing her, you are saying there is a lack of trust that what she is doing is for the best. By accusing her of that, you are admitting that trust, a foundation of a relationship, is lacking in the relationship. It’s best to be lay low if your girlfriend wants a break.

Ask Her For a Timeline

Perhaps she has not thought through this break that she is asking for, but it is your right to at least ask if she knows when you can speak again. A lot of times these breaks are after long periods of silent distance or a single explosive argument stemming from persistent troubles. Regardless of the cause, she may simply feel overwhelmed and need space to think.

While she likely will not have a precise date or day, it is okay to ask for a general timeline for when you two can reconnect to check on how progression is going. Asking for this timeline both gives you a goal to work toward and a reconnection point. You are much less likely to lose full contact with her if you have a set date for coffee or lunch.

Take The Time To Better Yourself

Be proactive about who you are as a person. When we are around someone every day, we can lose sight of what makes them special. Take the time she will be away from you to reinvent yourself and discover new qualities about you. When you do this, not only do you better your chances of reestablishing the relationship, but you also show her that you are not stagnant. Even more important, you will feel better about yourself. Everyone can use a little revamp now-and-then, and a relationship break is a perfect time to do it.

Do Not Burn Bridges

When we are being “let go” (a.k.a. your girlfriend wants a break) it is easy to become despondent and to want to tell the other person off. Do not burn those bridges! She is asking you to let go just enough to give her space to think. She is also indirectly asking you to reassess where you are in your life. Instead of acting like she is persecuting you and damning her intentions, let her know that you understand.

Even if you do not fully understand, chances are that if she wants to take a break then you are aware of the relationship’s troubles as well. Allow her to know that you hear what she is saying and validate her concerns. Do not become defensive and demand any sort of satisfaction. Instead, let her know that when she is ready to talk, you will be there.

It is okay to tell her that you would rather not take a break, and that you think both of you can talk it out. There is nothing wrong with wanting to stand your ground and defending the relationship. At the same time, you must allow her to know that your door is always open and your phone is always on. This will allow her to know what a special and important person she has possessed in her life.

Last Note:

The “break period” can be unbelievably difficult. Time almost stands still as you wait for the day you can reconnect with the person or know you’ve lost them for good. It is almost like an ungodly purgatory on earth that you must endure. Perhaps the hardest part is going on with your daily tasks, but you must. Remembering that life continues during these difficult break periods, and always remembering to breath, can help you succeed in surviving such times. Also, remember that even though your girlfriend wants a break, you are taking your own time to evaluate things for yourself.

If you need more help, you can always reach out to our therapists or you can check out our relationship advice for men section for more tips.


Download-relationship-app

An Easier Way To Stop Your Divorce 

Stop Your Divorce?

Never, not even in your wildest dreams, did you imagine that one day you would be trying, rather desperately, to stop your divorce.

Your thoughts keep making that agonizing journey to the most memorable day of your life, your wedding. Here was a couple that was made for each other, that vowed to stay together at every stage of this beautiful relationship- as man and wife, as a doting and responsible father and a mother to their children and finally, as gracefully ageing grandparents.

But today, your spouse seems to have distanced himself from you and his family, and argues ad nauseam that separation is virtually unavoidable.

It certainly is a cause for concern. But you stand firm and refuse to support him in his intentions, and try to give this fledging marriage one last chance. It’s never too late to stop your divorce, remember.

As parents, don’t you owe your child this much, you ask?

Moreover, as a forward-thinking woman, you feel you have every right to know why you’re being penalized for no fault of yours. So you try every conceivable trick in the book to help bring that spark into your vapid existence.

From seeking not-so-cheap advice from matrimonial counseling experts and guidance from unintelligible eBooks to meditation and yoga, you still don’t seem to be free from the agony. You are still groping in the dark about how to stop a divorce.

Myths About Marriage 

Okay, yours was a marriage that was enveloped in a rose-tinted cloud. It had all the trappings of love, passion, companionship and romance woven rather elaborately into it.

So if yours was a match made in heaven, where on earth did the how-do-I-stop-my-divorce thoughts come from?

Most marriages fall apart simply because they stagger under the burden of colossal expectations. The lack of communication and diminishing respect between partners acts as the trigger.

Niggling problems escalate into major arguments and all hell breaks loose. And before you even know it, you have fallen prey to the guiles of a nifty divorce lawyer.

If you feel divorce is the only way you can liberate yourself from the constraints of a claustrophobic relationship, then you are way off the mark.

In all cases, this extreme step only causes more agony and hurt. And the physical and mental trauma that your children go through is simply indescribable.

Time For Introspection

It might seem quaint, but before you decide to end that thorny relationship, it’s important to do some introspection. Here are some questions that you need to ask yourself very sincerely:

  • Why are you trying so hard to save your marriage? Are your earnest efforts guided solely by the fear of loneliness and frustration, or is it something more deep-rooted? You must ascertain the real reason behind your actions.
  • Are you being consumed by a feeling of guilt? Are you feeling responsible for the pain and anguish that you would be causing to your distraught partner? You must try to reason if your guilt is responsible for any change in your decision to take a divorce.
  • Gauge the reaction from the other end: If your partner is supportive of your efforts of stalling the divorce proceedings, it certainly gives your initiative a much-needed shot in the arm. But if he/she seems to maintain a detached character, then you must try and understand the reason for the same. This will help you arrive at a more plausible solution to this contentious issue.
  • What the future holds? Will your life be as gloomy or will things improve if you stop the divorce? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with your spouse? The answers to these questions are vital in your attempt to patch things up.
  • Act now: Once you have decided about your future course of action, it’s time to set the ball rolling. If you are convinced that seeking a divorce is inevitable, then you must achieve your aim with maturity and dignity. But if you feel that preventing a breakup deserves a full-on shot, then it’s time to pull out all the stops and stop your divorce.

Save Your Relationship With <Fill in the blank> So you are going to stop at nothing in an attempt to save your long-standing relationship. But while doing so, make sure you do not lose your self-respect.

Most people try to resurrect their failed marriage by begging or pleading. This, quite honestly, makes you look awful, and only inspires a feeling of pity. It will, on the contrary, push your disgruntled partner farther away.

Instead, do your bit with strength and confidence. Make the most of your time by indulging in constructive activities that give your morale a tremendous boost.

When your spouse sees you having a life of your own that’s devoid of his/her presence, his hostile attitude is sure to undergo a sea change.

And you would have managed to save your relationship rather admirably. Hopefully, you will live happily ever after.


Download-relationship-app

A Nagging Wife – Relationship Advice For Men

Why Am I Impatient Only With My Nagging Wife?

QUESTION: About my nagging wife

Why is it that the only the person I am in a relationship with, (i.e. now my wife), irritates and upset me over small things (that I am normally very patient with people I don’t know very well)?

OUR RESPONSE ON CLARAPY:

Your question is a good one. Unfortunately, there are so many possibilities here, that without a dialogue with you, coming to a definite understanding about WHY you react to your wife the way you do is simply not possible. However, let me give you what I think are the two most common reasons for such reactions (you’ll have to decide which one, if any, fits for you). After that, I will try to give you some ideas on how to CHANGE your relationship and make it more positive. You see, unlike some in my field, I DO NOT believe that understanding WHY is always necessary to make the changes you desire. Hence, while I may or may not give you a clear understanding of WHY, I think I might be able to provide you with help on your relationship none the less.

Anyway…let’s get down to it.

Why do you react to your wife with impatience and irritability, when you do not do so with others?

Possibility #1: Unrealistic expectations for your spouse “nagging wife”.

Here the issue is that you have placed unrealistic expectations on how you feel your spouse should react to you, or handle difficulties, or meet her day-to-day obligations, etc. Such expectations are usually unspoken (sometimes not even conscious), but they are reflected in your feelings about how you think she SHOULD be. If we were to examine just one of the incidents in which you became “irritable and upset,” the question I would ask is “Why was what she did so awful or horrible to you?” More than likely your response would start with something like – “Because what she did was stupid, or wrong!…She SHOULD __________ !” (Here you can fill in the blank).

These “shoulds” are tied to particular relationship roles in our lives. Deep down, we all have some “shoulds” about how we think certain relationships (e.g., mothers, fathers, friends, spouses, children) ought to be. Strangely enough, though, we often only have these “shoulds” for one or perhaps two kinds of relationships in our lives. The others we are more accepting of and less demanding. Usually these “shoulds” become activated (we expect them) when the relationships they’re attached to are believed to be solidified (when you consciously come to the understanding that this person in your life has now taken on a particular role for you). Since you appear to be married, it would seem to me that your “should-ing” on your wife would have FIRST APPEARED relatively early in your relationship, possibly during your engagement or soon after your marriage. Once she became your “wife,” then a whole set of “preprogrammed” expectations clicked into play and Viola!! – She has now become a source of frustration to you.

However, you may be thinking – “But wait…after we got married, we had several GOOD months where she didn’t really seem to bother me. This has only happened recently! In the beginning of our marriage, things were fine!” If this is the case, then either (a) for the first few months you were also facing OTHER huge stressors in your life which totally preoccupied you, and kept you from focusing on her, or (b) we have the 2nd possibility….

Possibility #2: Relationship Meltdown due to Intense Stress.

Displacement is a word that mental health experts use to define the phenomenon of someone who is so stressed with “person/situation A,” but cannot fully express or control it, so they express their frustration on “person B,” who had nothing to do with it. This is a very common thing for all of us. We face the pressures of the workplace or finances, come home frustrated and angry, and then “spill out” that frustration and anger on those we love. Why not wait to give it to others? Because they are simply not as easily accessible. Ask yourself this question: “Have I been under extreme pressure for the past several weeks (or perhaps months)?” “Is it just possible that I have let this stress-pressure effect my patience and consideration for my spouse?”

Consider whether or not you have been able to TALK to your spouse about your pressures. If that seems weird to you, consider some other outlet for your frustration. Often men “vent” their anger not by talking, but by tinkering (such as working in the garage, lawn, or home-improvement project). The other method is mental focus on physical activity, either actual (playing a sport), or vicarious (watching a sport). Perhaps if your “nagging wife” was to just give you some down-time when you come home from work where you can release some of your stress, without trying to interact with her, you may find yourself in a better frame of mind to treat her more appropriately. Perhaps you could ask her nicely.

Now I don’t know for sure if either of these possibilities fits (perhaps both of them do, perhaps neither do). In any case, regardless of the reason, there are some things you can do to change this state of affairs. Let’s explore this….

Overcoming Impatience With Others

Have there been times when you didn’t allow the “small things” to get to you? In those moments, what did you do differently that kept you from feeling irritated and upset? What ever that was, try doing it again! Chances are, you had a different way of thinking about the situation. You experienced those moments with a “this is not such a big deal” kind of attitude. Anger is often a function of us making “mountains out of molehills.” Learning not to sweat the little things is very, very important for relationships to endure. Remember this point: YOU control your level of anger and irritation – NOT THE SITUATION. IT is simply a matter of how YOU CHOOSE TO LOOK AT IT and THINK ABOUT IT. When your wife does something equivalent to the “small things,” you may choose to look at it with irony (in this case you will smile), or look at it with gratitude that she made the effort in spite of the flub (in this case you will feel thankful), or look at it with fear about what negatively may come of it (in this case you will worry and feel anxious), or look at it with concern that YOU may not have explained clearly to her what you wanted (in this case you will feel a desire to explain yourself more clearly). Any of these feelings are possible – GIVEN THE SAME SITUATION. The difference lies not in your wife or in the situation, but in WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO THINK.

Remember this sequence: Situation – Thoughts – Feelings. It is the “automatic” thoughts that you are engaging in that are leading to your feelings of irritation. Try this exercise: Pick the most recent experience where this occurred with your wife. Ask yourself: “What was I thinking when I felt that way?” Then ask yourself: “What could I have thought INSTEAD, that would have made me feel less irritated…perhaps even different?” Consider these possibilities:

“I am inconvenienced by this, but that’s OK.”

“At least she tried, many would not.”

“I do not need to have everything go my way. I would like it. But I know that expecting that it SHOULD is simply irrational.”

“I wonder why she did it that way? I want to find out! I’ll ask her kindly.”

Perhaps you can think of other possibilities. Now the next time you find yourself feeling irritated and upset at your nagging wife, STOP and THINK. Try to replace your thoughts with one of the possibilities listed above (or one that you have created). You may find it hard at first to shift your thinking. After all, it is automatic in nature but you can practice with each experience, replacing your irritation-producing thoughts with thoughts that lead to kindness, consideration, communication, and gratitude. It may take some time, but you can make it happen.

In addition, take some time to go on a real “Date” with your spouse. Make any problems between the two of you off limits during the date. Talk about others, your friends, work… whatever…but enjoy yourself. Take some time to think and talk about what things were like when you started dating each other. Recall your feelings, how you got her attention (or vice-versa), and what you enjoyed about each other. Recalling such memories will help you find more caring and consideration for your spouse.

You are the master of your destiny and “nagging wife”.

I hope this has helped you in some way. If you want more relationship advice from a mans perspective check out relationship advice for men category. Check out our marriage problems section for more.


Download-relationship-app

5 Essential Tips For How to Repair Your Relationship

Learn 5 Essential Tips on How to Repair Your Relationship

Patience
The lack of patience causes seemingly endless arguments between partners. The practice of it, on the other hand, creates an atmosphere of tolerance and understanding – traits that overlook mistakes and embrace distinctiveness. It is with patience that one sees the beauty in the other. This is one of the most important tips for your success in how to repair your relationship.

Humor, Fun, Excitement
Do not lose your humor; keep the relationship in a light mood. Do not overanalyze things and make sure that more than the definitions of togetherness, you are friends who could laugh with and at each other.

Give Your Partner the Importance He Or She Deserves
Do not take your partner for granted. Stay in the relationship out of love and not out of convenience. Pay attention to the small things that and favors that he does for you. Compliment him for minor tribulations. Try to see a good thing about him everyday and acknowledge it.

Do Not Lose Your Individuality
Although constant togetherness is essential to keep the love burning, it is also equally important that such togetherness does not retard each other’s individuality. Keeping the person you were before the relationship will help you discover things in you that you never know you have. These discoveries will spice up the relationship more without sacrificing your old self.

Respect Each Other, Practice Fidelity and Loyalty
Probably the most obvious rule in romantic relationship is to stay loyal and faithful to your partner. Beyond these traits lies respect, an ultimate must-have in any bond between lovers. To respect is to love someone with all your heart, to not hurt that person, and to value his beliefs, practices, and individuality.

Yes, it is true that mistakes constantly pester the love that binds two people who share the desire to fight for each other; but to correct those mistakes is the battle they must win. In a constant search for reasons to stay in a relationship despite the many tests of differences, the willingness to make amends is what gives the togetherness its share of intensified strength.

If you need more advice for how to repair your relationship check out this post here on forgiveness. Also if you problems run deeper than this topic, please install our app and speak directly with a licensed therapist.


Download-relationship-app

His Secrets Revealed! – Relationship Advice for Ladies

Understanding How your Man Thinks

For a woman, understanding how a man in a relationship thinks, feels and behaves is not always that easy. This would be the holy grail of relationship advice for women. Realistically, it would be would be quite a challenge. Imagine if you could be in your man’s head, how useful it would be to discover how he perceives and processes things. If you could only find out what motivates him and what discourages him! You don’t need to wait until scientists discover what  motivates men. You can understand men in general and your partner in particular by knowing and accepting a few facts.

Whether we like it or not, for a man, the appearance is very important. No, not his, but his woman’s. Is he superficial and unfair? Well, I‘d not judge but rather, acknowledge and accept it. A man in a relationship isn’t completely driven by the looks, but mostly. His woman does not need to be the most beautiful lady, but she needs to be very attractive for him.

You know now the secrets to be attractive, right? If you don’t, visit the relationship tips section where several articles cover it.

More Relationship Advice Tips

  • If you want to be with a guy, you need to work for it, and yes, the look is important. If it is hard for you to accept, get over it! Otherwise you will end up alone or with someone who is not your choice.
  • Keep a little mystery in your relationship that always spice things up. If you are just dating, don’t make him too sure about you and don’t give it all away!
  • Men need to feel good about themselves, proud of their achievements. Be supportive, don’t be competitive with him.
  • Keeping some sense of playfulness is also basic. Be fun. Be flirtatious with him, even if you’ve been together for years, specially in that case!
  • Get rid of those long faces that haven’t got you anywhere. Imagine coming home from the office, where he gets to work with intelligent, nice and attractive ladies, and find his wife untidy and in a bad mood! Sometimes it is not difficult to understand why men leave.
  • Be smart, don’t waste your energy arguing, instead, use your feminine charms and get what you want.
  • Men need to feel important in your life, so let him know you appreciate what he does and how much you need him.
  • With men, arguing and discussing is not as efficient as loving. Try it!

Once you know what triggers him in your relationship it shouldn’t be a mystery or a challenge anymore. Enjoy melting him again and again in a way that only you know.

If you would like more information about understanding your man, read why and when a man in a relationship or marriage may become “feminine”. If you haven’t done so already, please check out more information on relationship advice for women.

And of course some men could use some relationship advice.

If you are in a situation in which you lost the love of your life and you just know with all certainty that you two should be together, I’ll really recommend you to follow these you speak with our experts by downloading our smartphone app for Android and iOS.


Download-relationship-app

Forgiveness is Key in Learning How to Fix a Broken Relationship

Wondering how you can get your relationship back to what it used to be? If deception and deceit has reared their ugly head in your relationship, don’t fret. So, how do you fix a broken relationship after cheating regardless of your role? Can you still get them back? The answer is maybe, depending on who you want to be in the situation. What I mean by this is, who are you deep down as a person.

First stop, forgiveness

Whether or not you cheated, one thing is required. Forgiveness is a necessary process to reconciliation. You must be able to forgive yourself and the other person. The act of forgiveness opens you up to different possibilities in seeing the infidelity differently. It also give you access into the person you want to be in the situation or in life in general.

Second stop feelings and inner thoughts

Upon moving forward in this process in forgiveness, you will need better understand your emotions associated with forgiveness. You will have feelings of anger, regret, remorse, doubt, fear etc. These emotions are actually still a part of the forgiving process. It’s important not to rush this and when you feel these feelings, you have to work to forgive your partner or yourself. You’re the one going through this situation so you know more than anyone what you are going through, so take it at your own pace.

Last stop, home

Once you have been on the journey to forgiveness, it’s time to head home. For some, they may find that their home has changed. For others, home may be where you have known it to be all along. Either situation is okay and what is the most important part in this is to uncover or discover who you are through the act of forgiveness. You will be the one who will ultimately benefit from it. And that’s how you fix a broken relationship.


Download-relationship-app

How to Fix a Sexless Marriage

If you’ve found yourself here, you’re in the right place.  Fixing a sexless marriage has less to do with sex and more to do with the marriage itself. There are no easy answers, but according to most psychologists there are “simple” tips you can follow. What these “simple” tips don’t offer is addressing a sexless marriage requires a degree of professional help. After reviewing the 3 steps below, you can download our iOS and Android apps and speak with an expert free of charge. If you want, you can just skip to the download.

Be willing to make some changes.

First and foremost you have to be willing to make some changes. Making these changes has more to do with you than you partner.  Stop blaming them for why you aren’t having sex. The truth is, most all people want to have sex and the reasons surrounding a sexless marriage have to do with the roles of each of you. You have to take responsibility for your role in the situation. This is akin to finding your inner peace presented in “how to fix a broken relationship”. That’s in the only way you can begin to take control of the situation. What can you do better to improve the situation? If something is missing in the situation, can you fill in the blanks? Be the first to fill in the blanks. It maybe painful, but nothing can be more painful than a sexless marriage.

Set up a time free of distractions to discuss and implement your plan to fill in the blank.

Once you have identified what you can do to address your sexless marriage, it’s time to set up a time to discuss NOT the problem, but your plan to fill in the blanks. This conversation mustn’t be about not having sex, but about creating a way to improve your situation. Maybe you discuss going out for a weekend (if that’s filling in the blank). Maybe you surprise your partner with something they would like in the form of a gift, etc.  There is no right answer here other than ensuring you are doing your best to fill in the blanks. This is how you can regain some footing in how to fix a sexless marriage.


Download-relationship-app

Find Your Inner Peace. Learn How to Fix a Broken Relationship

Staying calm is one of the most challenging skills you can master. It’s especially difficult when in the midst of fixing a broken relationship. It’s really easy to start yelling and screaming because of our frustration and anger. However if you really want to learn how to fix a broken relationship, you must remain calm.

Staying Calm – The Art of Self Control.

After reading over “How to Fix a Broken Relationship” by Michael Gregory a few things dawned on me. Often times when we think of being calm, it means that we must relax, take a deep breath, speak in a soft tone etc. It’s true that most people exhibit those attributes of calmness, but the most important aspect of remaining calm is actually being calm. Pretending to be calm, is just that pretending. You can only fool yourself and your partner for so long, before your “calm” turns into a storm. To get to a place of calmness you have to do the work to get there. That means asking yourself the difficult questions and directing them at yourself. Thinking like a kid, about how & why you feel is critical.

Finding peace is the answer.

People often ask me what the secret is to fixing their relationship issues, and I say to them, the first step is in finding peace. After saying that, they reply, “I get it, but why doesn’t he just listen to me?” and thus completely missing the point. Peace isn’t something that just happens. It something that you have work towards from within. At the core of finding peace you have to be willing to dive into the depths of yourself. For most, this is an uncomfortable experience, the exact opposite of peace. Nevertheless, it’s required, because the more you understand about yourself, the more you will understand about your partner and how you should relate to them. Maybe you discover it’s time to part ways and let things remain broken. After careful thought, maybe you conclude introspection is what you need to mend your broken relationship. It all starts with you at the center doing the work to achieve peace and calm.

How to Fix a Broken Relationship

Now for the easy part. If you’ve done the work to reach a state of peace from within, you should have some answers on what you want and what your willing to give on. Some of you are probably scratching your heads at this point wondering, “What are the things I need to say? What are the things I need to do?” The truth is, no one knows better than you what you really want out of your relationship. People around can help you to figure it out, but ultimately you have to walk through the door. If you are feeling lost with just how to figure out what you need to do to walk through the door, we have licensed relationship experts that you can speak with. All you have to do is download Clarapy for either iOS or Android. It’s free chat to ask questions.  Give it a shot, but remember you and you alone have to walk through that door.


Download-relationship-app

Experts Reveal How to Fix a Broken Relationship

It’s time to say good-bye. Pain and heartache dominate our psyche as we begrudgingly concluded that our relationship is now over. Friend’s and family tell us, it just wasn’t meant to be and you deserve much better. But is it really over? Should you be looking for information on how to get your ex back instead? Understanding why your relationship is in question is the biggest part of fixing it. Was it because of the late night arguments about absolutely nothing? Or how about that time your partner said something incredibly hurtful? You will soon learn that how to fix a broken relationship has more to do with you than the other person. If you don’t want to read, but want to ask others like you how they fixed their broken relationship chat with them now.

Our relationship worked when we didn’t fight…

At some point, it became painfully clear that you were unable to stand some of the things your partner did, said or implied. Men exclaim, “How can she be so crazy!” whereas women remark,”How can he be such a jerk face not understanding my emotions?” Stereotypes aside, at some point those ideas popped into your mind. This is actually the process of  self-discovery. This sounds strange right? Well, when you’re in these situations, you quickly realize something inside of you just won’t let the comment or behavior go. You heave with resentment and you let your partner have it. Somewhere deep inside, there’s a person who felt offended, rejected, threatened or embarrassed. This is what I’m calling a moment of self-discovery.

Caution:  The Road to Recovery is Fraught with “potholes”

Depending on what was said or what was done during your process of self-discovery; it may or may not have been a deal breaker for you. That part is up to you to determine and being aware of your self-discovery is the first step. Assuming you have answered that question for yourself, it’s time to reflect and self-discover a little bit more. It’s time to think like a kid (please read that section on new relationship advice) and critically analyze your partner’s behavior and your reaction. Take your time in the analysis process, because if you decide to continue, it can mean the difference between success or more heartache and grief. Potholes lie ahead and this will only have a chance to work if you can see them coming.

How to fix a broken relationship when it’s no longer broken?

Depending on how broken your relationship is will govern your success in mending it and moving forward.  Are you still communicating?  Are you separated or still living together? These things will slightly change your approach, but in the end the approach to repair is the same. Stop seeing your relationship or situation as an obstacle, but instead as an opportunity for self-improvement regardless of the outcome. In the situation lie just below the surface a chance to build something better or perhaps build something different. There is no guarantee for success in getting back with someone, but looking at the situation from a higher perspective will prime you for success either way. Viewing things from this point of view, will minimize your need to be “right” when you decide to engage in fixing your situation.

Step 1  Schedule a meeting: Things are better done in person. Psychology tells us that most 60% – 70% of communication is nonverbal in nature. Expressions and body language are tell-tale sign of sensing someone’s genuinity.

Step 2 – During your meeting listen: When you are meeting with your partner or ex-partner, remember this meeting is more about self-discovery first. Next it’s about fixing your broken relationship. Meet with the mindset that you are curious, want understanding/closure on the situation and peace. Curiosity leads to discovery and it demands that you listen 80% of the time and speak 20% of the time. During your conversation, you will encounter potholes which will be painful to run over. Just steer clear as best you can and quietly navigate around them and continue to listen. This is the only way you can attain the self-discovery and insight into how to fix a broken relationship. Be sure to ask how your partner feels and what they need as a person in their life. Focus on their perspective so they feel heard and understood.

Step 3 – Conclude the conversation: It’s important that when you conclude the conversation you leave thinking like a kid.  No matter what was said or how hurt you feel inside. You have extending the olive branch and if they smack it out of your hand, you know you’ve dodged a bullet. Conversely, maybe you walk away together with a new appreciation of yourself and your partner.  Nevertheless, this is the answer you need to discover if your relationship is really worth saving.

I understand that this advice might not have been what you were thinking or it might not work for you. This is a non-traditional approach to resolving conflict and your mileage may vary. It’s designed to get to the heart of the matter while you benefiting from the outcome regardless. If you are looking for a different approach, please reach out to us by downloading Clarapy on Android or iOS. It’s free and you can get expert advice from any of one on our team. If that approach doesn’t work, check out our relationship tips section for me info.


Download-relationship-app