What to Do When He Says He Wants A Break When There Seems To Be Nothing Wrong. Is My Relationship Over?
One of the most confusing moments in a relationship is when your boyfriend wants to break up with you, but there seems to be no direct reason why. Many times we can drive ourselves crazy in our attempts to figure out what it is we missed or did wrong. Sometimes we become paranoid about what secret cause may be out there.
We often look for someone we can blame for what is happening, because for there to be no answer seems wholly unreasonable to us. Instead of spending all your time stressing about why it is happening, you should instead be focusing on what you need to do to get the answers you want.
Take A Chill Pill
We often can become overwhelmed with emotion and thrown into a bit of a tizzy when the person we are with wants to break up. Instead of letting these initial emotions take control of us, allow your higher faculties take over for your uncontrollable emotional responses.
In other words, attempt to take a deep break, listen carefully to what he is saying and then ask formulate the appropriate questions to get the answers that you want. If you freak out and begin to cry or throw a fit, then you will only shut down the conversation. By keeping a cool head and listening to what he is specifically saying you may be able to ask the questions that get you the answers you desire.
Keep the Conversation Going
If he is dumping you with any specific reasoning, it is best you keep him talking in order to figure out what the reason is. It is alright to ask him specific questions, but if you ask the wrong questions then he may simply shut down and not wish to talk anymore. To avoid scaring him away, attempt to let him know that you are confused and that you wish there was some explanation for what was happening.
Give him the opportunity to explain the reasoning for wanting the break up. Sometimes one partner simply is under pressure and does not have a specific reason. Other times there are underlying reasons that he may not even be aware of at the moment. If you are able to keep him talking, then you may be able to find an answer to the question or even steer him away from wanting to break up.
Ask for a Reason, Then Demand One
It can take a little work but quite often you can get a reason for a break up if you ask enough times and in enough different ways. Whether it be hinting at him to explain what has happened, or it is just listing one-hundred and one reasons why the break up might be occurring, finding out the reason for the breakup is helpful to dealing with the situation. If he continually will not give a reason, then perhaps demanding a reason is your best option.
Remember that it is often very difficult to overcome a breakup quickly and in a healthy manner if you have no reason for it. Also, remember that by demanding a reason you may drive him away, so be careful in implementing a demanding tone. Still, it is your right as the person being dumped to ask for a reason. Even if the reason is not one you agree with, or one that hurts your feelings, it is better to have a reason you can point to instead of no reason at all.
Accept that It Has Happened
If the break up has already occurred and you are now single, one of the worst ways to keep a relationship together is to deny that break up had happened. If this sounds crazy to you, then consider yourself lucky, as there are many people who attempt to employ this strategy. Even if you are not one of the many who literally stays in denial about a break up because “There was no reason for it and so it isn’t over,” you may still suffer from denial in another way.
Many of us will not let ourselves go through the grieving period of a relationship if we do not have a reason that it happened. Not having a reason means we have a hard time wrapping our head around what occurred. This can cause us weeks, months, even years’ worth of not truly dealing with the problem.
Not being able to move on means not being able to form positive future relationships. So take the time to accept what has happened, even if your goal is to reconnect with him in the future.
Let It Go
By far the most difficult but most necessary ability after a “reasonless” breakup is letting it go. Since you do not know a cause or a reason this can be unbearably difficult; however, it is a necessary step in being able to move forward and have a positive relationship in the future, and so you must do it. There is no magic potion that makes one let go of what has happened, but accepting it and then letting yourself grieve over the loss is usually the best way to progress past it.
Learn From the Break Up
It is a hard lesson in life, but finding out that you can be broken up with for no reason is still a life lesson. No matter how much time and effort you put into something, it can still go wrong. This is the nature of being in a relationship with someone. While it is a hard lesson to swallow, it is also an important one because it gives us an understanding that life is sometimes unfair and difficult. Not having a solid reason for being dumped also forces us to search for what it is about ourselves that may have partially lead to the break up. In allowing this thought process, we may be able to further positive qualities and lessen our negative ones.
So is your relationship really over? Can it be saved? Find out if you can save your relationship.