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Category: How to Save a Relationship
The Art Of How To Save a Relationship
So you want to know … How To Save A Relationship? Well you have come to the right place. Clarapy is complete comprehensive solutions for making things right. We even have therapists you can chat with for relationship advice using our app.
However, we can’t make any guarantees, but we will do our best to try to help you.
This section is dedicated to helping and empowering all of the lonely broken hearts out there to pick themselves up after a bad break-up and take the essential steps needed to work towards reuniting with their ex.
We having various articles containing helpful tips that you will see listed to the right.
We also have an exclusive free email series that we created just for you to help guide you through the process of getting your ex back.
There’s kind of an art to connecting back up with the love of your life, and remaining on solid terms forever. We will do our best to help you go about it the right way.
But I won’t kid you, however. It won’t be easy. Their is no quick fix. But with lots of reflection on your part of the what, and why it went wrong. And by taking the proper action it may be possible.
But before you get started make sure you really want to before running after something that isn’t worth the energy. Relationships often end for a good reason, and though it may be hard to let go sometimes it’s for the best.
However, some break-ups are reversible. If you truly feel that your relationship is worth saving their are things you can do about it. Your break-up can simply be a jumping off point to learn something about your partner that will make your relationship even better than it was before.
Is divorce the end all and be all of your marriage? On paper it is, but in reality, it is not. No marriage is made in heaven but no marriage should end in divorce, either. That’s because no one in his or her right mind gets married with the purpose of divorcing later. So, although you have been recently divorced or are in the process of being divorced, can you still get your ex-husband (or soon to be ex) back? The answer is YES and we will show you how to get your ex husband back.
Usually disputes, arguments, disagreements that lead to divorce stem from some form of unfulfilled expectation in one or both spouses. Think about it. Whether it is a minor thing like the husband staying out late or a major problem like the wife’s gambling habit, it will lead to arguments or disagreements because one partner has certain expectations of the other that is not fulfilled. The wife expects her husband to be responsible enough to come home at a reasonable time but he does not fulfill her expectation. The husband expects the wife to be more self-controlled and not waste all their money gambling but his wife does not fulfill his expectations.
So the key to getting your ex-husband back is to know what he expects and fulfill them. Better yet, do more than what is expected of you. If you are already divorced or are in the process of being divorced, you might not be able to speak to your ex-husband freely. Nevertheless, you can still find out what your ex-husband’s expectations are by looking at how the disagreements happened in your marriage. Where did the expectations fail to be met? Take time to think and review your marriage in this area. It is crucial to discover as many areas where expectations were not met as possible.
The next step is to focus on yourself and what role you played in not fulfilling your ex-husband’s expectations. Of course, some of those expectations are unreasonable, but there are probably many that are valid and you should consider them. It is important that you change in the areas where your husband’s expectations are not met by you. Change to comply with his expectations. If you do this, it will lead on to the next important thing and that is to meet your ex-husband’s needs.
Expectations stem from needs, especially in a marriage. You need companionship, relationship, someone to talk to, help in household chores etc so you expect your husband to meet those needs and rightfully so. Likewise, your ex-husband has his needs for support, encouragement, praise, cooperation, understanding, loyalty etc and he looks to you for it. So if you can identify where you can better meet his needs, you stand a great chance of getting your ex-husband back.
All these spell change. You must change first before expecting your ex-husband to change. I know from experience that a man will do anything for a woman who meets his needs, especially emotional needs (and I’m not just talking about sex). Once you change, your ex-husband will change, too and you can get him back into your arms where he belongs.
These days the divorce rate is on the rise. In some societies, as many as 50% of couples get divorced. Many people see divorce as the ultimate end of a marriage. But is it really? I don’t think so. As long as your ex-wife has not remarried, there is still hope in getting your ex back. In fact, in some ways it is easier to get your ex-wife back than to get your ex-girlfriend back. That is because of the hassle in going through a formal divorce and all that goes with it such as custody of children, division of property, child support and alimony etc. These matters can either work for or against you on how to get your ex wife back.
So, how to get your ex wife back?
First of all, do not be in a rush to get your ex-wife back. Whatever the causes of the breakup were, it is important to give yourselves some time and space to evaluate things so that you do not do anything out of impulse. Take about a month to ‘cool off’. During this time, you should think about your marriage and what it meant to you. Forgiveness is the goal. This is also a good time to evaluate yourself and make some changes. When you eventually get back together with your ex, you don’t want her to get back the same old you, right? Before even thinking about how to get your ex-wife back, you must get your own act together. Whatever your fault was that led to your breakup, you need to change or rectify it.
Only after a month of self-evaluation and personal changes should you make steps to get your ex-wife back. When the time is right, you can contact your ex-wife and ask her out for a casual date. Don’t make it a formal one, just stick to doing something fun and casual together. The purpose is to help her see the changes in you and get used to being with you again. Take this opportunity to make it a memorable occasion. Do something that you used to enjoy doing together without being too pushy or intrusive. You must not present the impression that you’re desperate to get her back (even if you are). Just focus on having fun and engaging in some light conversation together.
After this first date, don’t be in a rush to arrange the second one. Remember, don’t appear desperate. Let a week or two pass before contacting her again to ask for another time out together. Once you get your ex-wife to agree to see you again, repeat the same modus operandi of having a fun and memorable time together.
Keep this up for a few months and gradually work towards talking about whether you should get back together again. But this has to happen naturally when both of you are ready to talk about it. If you bring up the subject and you get a negative reaction from your ex, it means you have gone into it too soon. Back up and start over. Your ex-wife needs time to get the idea of being together with you again.
It is not impossible to win your ex-wife back even after a divorce or separation. It would take time, but if you play your cards right, you will have warmed up your ex-wife over a period of months to the idea of a reconciliation. Then you can talk about more serious stuff like the future and all that pertains to it. If that happens, you are well on the road to getting back together with your ex-wife.
I think I Am Hot But My Boyfriend Might Not. My Boyfriend Never Compliments me.
Self-esteem is always a tricky thing to control no matter who you are. Whether it is regarding your looks, abilities, or any aspect within your life, trying to keep a positive concept of yourself is a challenge. It can be doubly difficult when the lack of confidence (take our self-esteem test) you are feeling is because of a lack of noted appreciation or interest from your man. Unfortunately, I hear far too often the statement, “my boyfriend never compliments me”. 🙁
If you are like many women, then there is a chance that while the image of yourself may be healthy, you are concerned that your partner is not as interested as he used to be. Perhaps you have been considerable time and effort in attempting to better your look and figure, but he just does not seem to notice. Trying to figure out why he seems uninterested can be a frustrating and embarrassing task, but keeping in mind a few key points may help.
Men Are Not Detail Oriented
This could be the reason when you feel, “my boyfriend never compliments me”. Remember that small changes that you make to yourself may be completely overlooked by your man. It is not because he is not smart enough to notice. It is not because he does not care.
He simply does not pay attention to the smaller details that you do. Big changes like moving a table to another side of a room may catch his attention. However, moving a painting three feet from its original position may totally pass him by.
This same principle can be applied to your look and figure as well. Again, it is not because he is a bad guy or is too stupid to notice, he simply does not notice. On the plus side, he is much less likely to notice a change for the worse as well. One should not take advantage of that fact, but it is good to know anyway.
Men Have a Different Focus
Even men who are detail-oriented may not notice the efforts you make for an aesthetic alteration. Men tend not to notice assemble or color-based changes unless it is a blatant one that is thrown in their face. Furthermore, men often do not note the significance of certain things that are improved.
Just because your man does not consciously notice that you are looking hot does not mean that it is completely lost on him. Sometimes your man simply has his focus elsewhere and the changes or efforts you are putting him are “under the board” to him. Getting concerned or upset with him about that will not do you any good. When it is a forgivable oversight, do just that and forgive him for simply not being as focused on your improvement as you are.
Men Don’t Always Say What They Think
It is also wholly possible that your man both noticed and appreciates the changes you are making, but simply does not say anything. There are usually two reasons for this line of thinking from the man. The first reason is that he is simply not the kind of person that gives words of encouragement, at least not overtly.
It is quite common that men in particular upbringings are taught to not verbally acknowledge someone is positive or negative progress, and instead to simply let people do as they do without much talk about it. While this may seem like an alien concept to some of us, it is simply a style of moral upbringing and one simply has to accept that fact if that is how their man is.
The second reason he may not say anything about your improvements (or continuation on your general beauty) is that, to be blunt, women can be a bit bity and confusing when given a compliment. We all know a woman who, when complimented with “Wow, you look so thin now.” Will respond by saying “What? Are you saying I was fat before?” Remember that men are sometimes not the best at verbalizing what it is they are thinking. It is not out of the ordinary for a man to be afraid to say something nice as it embarrasses or scares him.
Something is on His Mind
Believe it or not, men have lives outside of what it is you look like. Sometimes work, friends, family, or a million other items in life are distracting him from really taking notice of your general good looks or physical improvement. No offense intended, but this could be you feel that my boyfriend never compliments me. Instead of worrying so much about why he is not taking proper notation of you, ask yourself why he might be elsewhere in his mind. It is important to keep in mind that most men tend not to talk about their problems at first.
Giving him a sympathetic ear to talk to can help him open up. Once they are able to open up more freely (because they feel comfortable enough to talk) then they are more likely to take notice of all you have to offer both as a partner and in the looks department.
Ask Your Man If He’s Noticed!
If it is really concerning you that your man is not noticing how good you look, or you are worried that his interest is waning, why not just ask him about it? Sitting around wondering why he is not as interested in you as you are is a little odd. If he is your boyfriend or partner and you feel it is something that needs to be talked about, then do so.
Just keep in mind that he may not understand why you are making a big deal about it. He most certainly is unlikely to come out and say he thinks you do not look as good as you think you do; but if he is feeling a lack of interest for some reason perhaps he will divulge the information just a bit.
If you are feeling like your man is not taking notice, keep in mind a few of these possibilities. You should feel good about keeping yourself looking beautiful. Remember, however, that just because he is not giving you the signs you need to know you are looking good does not mean he does’t think it.
If you feel you need more advice on the subject we have relationship therapists who can help. Click on the image below to reach someone.
I want to contact my ex. That is the thought that dominates your entire being when your heart is broken because your relationship did not work out the way you would have wanted it to. It is a normal reaction to feel this exact way, but as a matter of fact, you need to take thing slow if you are going to have any chances of getting back together with your ex again.
You’ll hear a lot about the no contact rule when you start researching a way to get your ex-girlfriend back after a breakup. But what exactly is this rule and how does it work? Many people even think that going no contact means your ex will forget you forever.
What no contact is:
No contact is essentially taking a period of time where you don’t talk to your ex, or have very minimal contact with her. During this time you’re focusing more on yourself than anything; you’ve now got a chance to:
1. See the breakup from a rational point of view. Need help seeing it? Chat with someone from our community.
2. Realize it’s not the end of the world even though you’re broken up.
3. Have a chance to calm your mind and breathe.
4. Get your life back in order.
No contact also allows your ex to do all the same, which is beneficial to her. So it works both way.
Why the no contact rule works when though I want to contact my ex?
It works because no contact lets you approach your ex at a later date WHEN YOU ARE MORE RATIONAL. It also puts you in control of when someone can speak with you.
Perhaps its most effective use is:
No contact gets you out of the desperate mindset.
Most folks become desperate right after things end. They cannot stop texting or calling their ex. People then obsess about why the person left us.
This backfires because then the ex-girlfriend thinks “aw, he’s so desperate, I’ll just stop talking to him completely and find a new guy.” Once again it puts the other person in control of when they can and cannot speak with you.
So when you feel the temptation come on to contact your ex after a breakup, it’s a lot wiser to go no contact, because then you avoid desperation mode, and don’t drive your ex away.
How do I use no contact?
To use no contact, first:
Getting a calendar
Mark off the days you’ll have no or low contact with your ex. (Low contact means saying hi, but not going much beyond that.)
30 days is a good time period to shoot for. It will give you plenty of time to get out of desperation mode and back into a rational, calm frame of mind.
Mark off the day you will re-initiate contact
Set the date 30 days from now, or whenever you choose, to re-initiate contact with your ex. Now, it’s important that you DON’T contact your ex before you have regained a rational state of mind. So allow yourself as much time for no contact as you need; better to overcompensate.
Make a plan for what you’ll say
Now, you don’t want this first contact to be, “let’s meet up and talk about our relationship for 3 hours.” Instead you simply want to be SEEN by your ex so they realize you are again the rational, calm, attractive, happy person she fell in love with.
So make it a light note, something like, “Hey, how’s it going.” You definitely want to keep the conversation neutral; avoid your breakup as a topic of conversation. Good topics include the weather, current events, and simple, easygoing topics. Avoid talking about any current romances in either of your lives as well.
This article doesn’t fully address the statement of, “I want to contact my ex”, but it should give you a some things to think about.
Will We Get Back Together? The Age Old Question With A Quiz to Boot!
“Help! I’m a hapless husband/ boyfriend trying desperately to save my marriage/relationship.” The plaintive wail is almost unmistakable …
Dealing with a breakup is something that all happy and content men and women view with a sense of passive resignation. Imagine a life without love and romance, or an existence without your soul mate?
It takes more than just a healthy heart to survive a separation. It’s a roller-coaster ride that tests your strength and fortitude to the limits.
And if you still have even an iota of doubt, just ask couples that have coped admirably with different stages of a relationship.
There’s No Quick-Fix Answer
Unfortunately, getting over your ex is a long and arduous journey, filled with a combination of agony and angst …
You could be a devoted wife giving marital counseling a full-on shot in an earnest attempt to stop a bitter divorce or a jilted girlfriend that, on a rebound from a failed love affair, invests all her time in therapy, but the pain and suffering is unmitigated by any hope of an early relief.
Add to this, the flurry of will we get back together thoughts, and the picture dosen’t get any brighter. But in these singularly trying times, it is the Internet that seems to be your only succor.
Dripping with all sorts of advice on how to mend a broken heart, ably buttressed by quotable quotes and poems, these websites perform the repair work with amazing alacrity.
To Be Or Not To Be
Now that’s the question that will make you sound definitely Shakespearean.
After all, you are the veteran of many a will we get back together quiz, right? These quizzes are your best bet when you are trying to ascertain your get-my-ex-back quotient.
Not only do they provide that much-needed Bodhi-tree enlightenment on your chances, they also bombard you with a laundry list of things to do after getting back together. Sounds trite?
Well, it’s not for nothing that they enjoy that rockstar appeal. This is one of the secrets to answering will we get back together.
What Are Your Chances? Will we get back together?
Wondering if you should lend the olive branch? The chances of reconciliation will really depend on your answers to a plethora of interesting questions. Take a test yourself; just make sure you are as honest as possible:
Do you hate your ex? Or are you totally mad at them?
Have you changed your schedule so that you do not bump into him?
Do you still show up at all gatherings at his place?
Do you still talk to each other?
Have you found somebody else as yet?
Are you envious of their new boyfriend or girlfriend?
Do you still have that itch to impress them?
Was the break-up mutual or amicable?
Were the channels of communication always open in the relationship?
Do you believe that you can change for the better?
I guess one does not require great powers of imagination written into one’s DNA to have an in-depth understanding of the best possible answers to these questions.
Needless to add, the more positive the answers, brighter the chances of you reviving the relationship.
Face Rejection With Resilience
Dealing with a failed relationship is hard, but trying to make amends is much harder. It’s here that one needs to be aggressive, in a very restrained sort of way …
Confused? Well, here are five fantastic, almost priceless, little tips that will help you strike a chord with your ex with amazing precision:
No desperate measures: If you subscribe to the adage, ‘desperate times need desperate measures’, then your behavior is almost certain to put your ex completely off. So that means no begging or pleading, or no inundating with phone calls, text messages or even gifts. It’s important to stay calm, composed and supremely confident, and you will emerge victorious.
Give them the space: Strike while the iron is hot does not work in this scenario. It’s important that you give your ex the space and time to heal. Remember, they must miss your presence. It’s only this feeling of emptiness in their lives that will draw them closer to you.
No arguments, please: It’s important that you bury the hatchet, once in for all. No more squabbles and arguments about the past. You must learn to let bygones be bygones.
Get a life: Invest the time on your hands with family and friends. Work hard, party harder. Pamper yourself, may be with a brand new wardrobe or a spanking new car. Your ex is sure to get all weak-kneed by just watching your self-esteem soar.
Let’s talk: Once your ex does fall hook, line and sinker for your sincere efforts, it’s time to trash out all those niggling issues that seem to have plagued your relationship. Make sure you start afresh, without the ponderous baggage of the past.
Once you have made peace with your ex, make sure the happiness and tranquility lasts a lifetime. If your situation is more complicated beyond the scope of this post, you can speak with a relationship therapist now for free by downloading our app Clarapy.
Sometimes it can be the mistakes you are making that will be more costly than the things you are doing when it comes to trying to get back together with your ex. Instead of trying overly hard to be the perfect person, avoid these five costly mistakes at all times.
1. Reverting to the old times
If you are going to get back together, you are going to have to start all over. Going right back to where you left off is only setting yourself up for failure. Make a commitment to change and actually make things different from when the relationship ended. You will have to truly make an effort to get the relationship to work.
2. Stop sweating over the small things
Every relationship has minor issues that you simply have no control over. Instead of wasting your time stressing over these parts of the relationship, you have to learn to let them go. You will not be able to get back together with your ex if you cannot learn to deal with the small things. It is up to you to live and learn how to deal with these things on your own.
3. Not changing
Chances are you were doing something wrong in the relationship that caused the breakup. Typically someone is not going to break up with you when they were at fault. For this reason, swallow your pride and make the changes that need to be made. The relationship will go nowhere if you are not willing to change or are just planning on reverting back to your old self after getting back together.
4. Hound the ex
If you really want to eliminate the chance of you two getting back together, show aggressiveness and hound the ex. Being aggressive and showing animosity is only going to strain the relationship even more. Learn to relax, lighten up and truly take in what your ex has to say. This will allow the two of you to better understand each other so you can work out an agreement.
5. Move on (Sometimes the best advice for how to get back with your ex)
Perhaps the last tip you want to hear when trying to get back together with your ex is to move on. However, if your ex has showed signs of moving on, you will want to do the same. If the two of you are meant for each other it will happen down the road. The best thing you can do if they have found a new partner is to find someone else yourself. This will show them you are not reliant on them and you can find others as well.
Are you giving up on love as a single seeking your ideal partner? Often we fail to recognize the lessons a relationship provides for us, and the opportunity it gives for us to grow. There are times when you can no longer hang onto a relationship and that you finally realize you and your partner are no longer an appropriate match. But when all is said and done, what are the lessons and how do you get rid of all of your emotional baggage?
If you don’t get the lessons you tend do the same dance all over again, but this time with a different partner. To get the lessons from an unsuccessful relationship choose to see how much had to do with you and how much had to do with your partner. It works to your benefit to own 50% of the relationship collapse. You can only do something about your 50%, but if you don’t own your part, you tend to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again – until you finally get the message.
Your 50% might be as simple as some of the following:
Not having clear boundaries and setting expectations to have your partner honor them.
Not being clear with your needs going into a relationship.
Not knowing what creates you to thrive in a day-to-day loving relationship.
Not getting necessary information from your potential partner to see if he or she is capable and willing to meet your needs.
Not asking for what you desired from your partner.
Not being open and honest with your partner.
Choosing defensive statements instead of empathic statements, when your partner expressed his or her thoughts and feelings.
To keep your heart open to love, it does not serve you to blame your past partner’s for not loving you or doing their part in creating the relationship to be successful. Yes, it always takes two to be in a romantic relationship. And also remember it takes two to fight, two to make love and two to create the success or neglect of the relationship. So, no matter who was wrong, who said what, who did what or didn’t do – the important thing is what role did you play, because that’s the part you can do something about. Holding onto your anger and resentment only hurts you – not your past partner. This is all part of forgiveness and understanding your emotional baggage and how to let go of it.
When a relationship ends, don’t pack up your past mistakes and grievances and carry it into to your next relationship. By doing so you’re closing your heart, and also hanging onto your fear that it will happen all over again.
Instead choose to:
Let go of the hurt, anger, resentment, disappointment and revenge.
Honestly own how your participation and the role you played did not work for the highest good of the relationship.
Recognize how you could or would not meet your partner’s needs and desires.
Decide what you are going to do different to create the success of your upcoming relationship.
Honor the gifts that came from the previous relationship’s.
Accept the lessons and be grateful for the experience.
Bless your past partner/s and release them to their greatest good.
Then get clear on what your needs are in a relationship, so you’re able to choose an ideal partner that you can both meet each other’s desires.
It may be deciding to find a person that is more like you, who has similar personality, desires, needs, characteristics, and values as you do. Don’t expect someone to be who they are not, just because there is great chemistry and physical attraction, or because he or she can take care of you in away that you can’t take care of yourself. Don’t expect someone to be or do what you cannot be or do for yourself.
Keep your heart open for love, it could be right around the corner and you certainly don’t want love to pass you by. Leave your emotional baggage at the door! Keep your eye out for more relationship tips or check out section on how to save a relationship
Are you feeling lost, depressed and hurt from a break up? “It is all over now!” “Move on with your life” “You can always find another one who loves you even more!”.
Does that sound familiar?
What if I tell you there is a way to not only save your current relationship but perfects it with no more fights, argument, disagreement, jealousy, lies and even cheats?
Does that sound too good to be true?
I know this might sound crazy or even insane, but I am not B.S you here. It has been shown that the success rate of getting back your ex can be as high as 85.6%
So do you want to save your relationship today and start getting back the kind of love, passion and enthusiastic commitment that you have always been dreaming of? Then, you need to be calm, focused and have a concrete plan.
Make sure you read through the 4 key important steps before you decide what to do next to get back your ex!
Before I move on further, I like to introduce myself, my name is John.
5 years ago, my life came to a sudden standstill. My girlfriend and I had some heated discussions and we decided to part our ways. Well, we didn’t exactly make a decision – it just happened. At that time, the only thing that occurred to me was to run away from her as fast as possible (to a bar or a lonely hiding). Later, I came to know that she’d felt almost the same way! It took me 8 long months to realize that I wanted her back in my life. This feeling of emptiness was very strong and I was slowly drifting into an ocean of grief. It was affecting my work, behavior and social relationships to an extent that I thought my life would never be the same again.
I even went on to meet a psychiatrist to possibly know whether the idea of wanting my ex back was an insane one! (It was useless, as I figured out later). I talked to people, read tonnes of blogs on the internet, went out in search of a possible ‘replacement’ for her that could soothe my heart and finally turned to my own self for answers – yes, I wanted her back!!
Today, my girlfriend and I share what I call a ‘perfect relationship’ with each other. About 4 years ago, I set out to make our relationship work all over again in a new and better avatar, and succeeded. By the time I made it happen, I had unraveled some of the most amazing secrets of getting an old and rugged relationship back on track all over again. That’s when I began to correct my mindset and work towards in getting my loved back again to my life.’
I know you must be getting bored but hang on there as I am now going to discuss the 3 main steps on how to get your ex back today. It doesn’t matter if you are a man or woman looking to have a positive and fulfilling relationship with your ex. This guide will definitely work great as long as you honestly follow the step by step approach that I have planned for you.
Ok, you might be thinking, John, I know this stuff, it is just going to be same old things that I have read in other blogs.
But I can assure you this is something that you have not heard about and by applying these 4 little known secrets, you are not only going to get back the relationship that you have always wanted to be but also the passion and enthusiastic commitment by your partner.
First of all, you should come face to face with what happened in the past. You don’t want your relationship to get back to same old state of dilemma all over again, do you? I’m not asking you to leave the dead past behind so that you can just move ahead. That’s not easy, I know. Had it been so, you wouldn’t be longing to have him or her back in your life all over again in the first place! You just need to accept the fact that the past is over. Period.
Now you just need to take home useful lessons from this ‘past’ (no matter how painful) and use them to your advantage – use these lessons to create a better and more fulfilling relationship with your ex now.
Next, you need to outline your future goals. These goals will direct all your efforts (I will tell you how) to have him or her back in your life. Before you move on to the part where you ‘do something,’ you need to know and fully understand 5 core elements (It’s easy – and the key here is to stay honest to yourself). A clear understanding of these core elements will set your mindset right (literally)! It’s not easy for everyone to digest these concepts without few hiccups because many of them are way different from what psychologists, relationship experts and others tell people.
How To Get Your Ex Back Core Element 1:
You have to create a NEW and MORE FULFILLING relationship.
Do not let yourself believe that you want to get back your ‘old relationship’ once again. Okay you came here looking for ways to get your ex back but that relationship ended few hours (or months) ago, remember? So you should really accept (and celebrate) the fact that your old relationship does not really exist anymore (that’s the truth, really)! It may sound painful (I felt that once) and brutal on my part to say so but this is actually the way forward to your goalpost (Getting your ex back). Only when you get over your ‘old relationship’ by mourning, partying or sobbing in your balcony, you can finally begin to do everything it takes to CREATE a newer and more awesome relationship with your ex!
How To Get Your Ex Back Core Element 2:
Forgive your ex and forgive yourself.
Holding grudges is not going to help you at all. Whether it was your ex who came pouncing upon you for a petty reason or it was you who hurt him or her in the past, you need to understand that forgiveness is a great power that can help you perform magic. We make mistakes due to misunderstandings, emotional outbursts and dozens of other reasons in our day to life. If someone made a mistake in the past (you or your ex), it does not mean the same trend would go on forever! Also, it doesn’t mean that you should hold on to that garbage (that’s what grudges really are) and miss all opportunities to make everything great, wonderful and worth-living. You need to recognize the fact that it is in human nature to make mistakes and subsequently learn to improvise. Forgive yourself and forgive your ex to bring yourself to a real high energy level.
Next, you need to work on your self-esteem. Trust me, a break-up (even if it happened 10 years ago) or a failed relationship can sometimes make a person’s self-image hit the rock bottom and stay there for a very long time. This is usually the case when you are filled with regret, self-loathing and lack self-esteem. When miniscule amounts of essential personality traits like self-esteem are left, you cannot expect to make your ex fall in love with you all over again. Or can you? So, you need to work on your own self-image for a while. Be vocal about all your positives, write them down like a creative writer, take a print out and paste them in front of your study table! (Yes, that will help) The point is to focus on everything good and great about oneself. Don’t worry; it won’t turn you into an egoist or an arrogant person. You just need to start liking yourself. The best way to do that is to feed your subconscious mind with dozens of positives about yourself that were long forgotten due to relationship problems. Only when you mentally like and appreciate yourself, you can expect your ex to like, appreciate and love you as well.
How To Get Your Ex Back Core Element 3:
Work on your ‘game while you are ‘single.’
This may sound a little insane (I know, it does) but you must go out, meet other singles and date when you have a chance. This is in fact one of the best techniques to have your ex notice you. And mind you, I don’t mean you sleep with dozens or get yourself into something serious. Keep it light, and fun.
In the process, you’ll not only raise your all-time-low self-esteem to a new level but also learn to appreciate all good things that happened between you and your ex. You’ll also present yourself as an interesting and attractive person to the world by doing so. When people around you begin to notice you, there is no reason why your ex wouldn’t do that. Being confident and happy is the important part of the ‘how to get your ex back’ approach.
How To Get your Ex Back Core Element 4:
Don’t be needy!
Alright, this may sound a little tricky as all you were looking for was just to get back your ex. This is especially hard when pain waves are gushing down your spinal cord every few minutes as you regret the last heated discussion you had, the differences you two didn’t try to fix on time and so on. Like we talked in the previous paragraphs, get over the past because you are now going to create a brand new, wonderful relationship with your ex. It is now time to raise your self-esteem, forgive anyone (including yourself). Do not let yourself believe that you NEED your ex! This can only bring your confidence level down when your rejects you because they generally dislike needy actions.
How To Get Your Ex Back Core Element 5:
Wait; don’t rush in!
If you are serious to patch up with your ex, then you need to wait before you start approaching your ex. But how long is that going to be? It really depends on the situation of your relationship but generally you should wait at least for a month for them to calm down their anger, frustrations and emotions. And during this “cool-down” period, please do not send any messages, emails, cards or anything else! Yes, I know it’s hard when all you can think of is the face of the man or woman you love. But you need to understand that going close before letting the smoke settle down is plain stupid. It can only make things worse. Instead, you need to start working on things that can help you get your ex back after one month.
Don’t worry if you’ve already made some of the core mistakes. These are very common mistakes that I made too when my ex left me. All I need you to do is to start working on the core elements that I have mentioned and don’t repeat it any more mistakes. If required, just jot down some of the core elements points that I have discussed. If need be; print this page out and keep it with you all the time so you don’t do any of these mistake again.
I never thought it would happen to me, but my boyfriend cheated on me! My boyfriend of two years whom I have two children with recently told me that he had banged two other women. He wants me to give him another chance to prove to me that he can be trusted. My question is: Should I give him that chance? I cannot get over the fact that my boyfriend cheated on me.
I am so sorry that this has happened to you. Unfortunately, infidelity to a relationship causes problems on so many levels. One of these is the heartache and confusion it causes to its victims (in this case you). Remember that trust is not something that is simply given away, it has to be earned. In your case, he has broken that trust. Is it worth giving him another chance to earn that trust back? Only you will be able to make that call, but there are several things you should consider as you do so.
First and foremost, do not let your romantic-love feelings for him, your own desire for intimate companionship, nor your intense anger or hurt, stop you from being as objective as you possibly can regarding your decision here. Being humble is ultimately the best good for both you and him. Sometimes that requires that we try to work even harder with another to overcome challenges to a relationship. On the other hand, sometimes that requires that we take steps that in fact may end certain types of relationships, for the greater good of all. Your decision is not easy…
What is the likelihood of him repeating the act? Although this is impossible to know for sure, there are some things you can look at to get a sense of this. Consider these questions:
1. What led to his disclosure to you?
If he was “caught” and forced to confess as a result, this is not a good sign (higher likelihood of repeating). On the other hand, if he came voluntarily to you without any prompting from you, this is a positive sign because it means he has a strong conscience (less likelihood of repeating). This is true even if he confesses to an action that occurred months or years in the past, although the closer in time the confession occurs, the stronger a conscience he probably has.
2. Does he currently have access to the same partners?
If he still sees or has contact for some reason (such as work or school) with the same partners he engaged with, then his opportunity for repeating the act increases.
3. Is he willing to sacrifice for the relationship by sharing his relationship concerns with someone else who may be able to help?
If he is willing to sacrifice his pride by sharing his relationship concerns with some third party (coach, minister, counselor, therapist), to discuss how to improve your relationship, this is a positive sign. Ask him and see what he says. You may not feel that you need to seek out help from someone else, but that doesn’t matter here. His WILLINGNESS to do so is a good sign. Any willingness means that he is willing to put this relationship above his own pride.
4. What was the quality of the relationship (as far as you knew) BEFORE you discovered his infidelity?
If you were totally blown away by the revelation, not knowing why he would have done such a thing because you thought the two of you were doing so well, this does not bode well for your future. Why? Because the majority of all infidelity is caused by an underlying resentment and problems in the relationship. Not having an awareness of relationship problems means either a) the communication you had together was already extremely poor, or b) he was NOT acting out of resentment, but instead is emotionally immature when it comes to commitment. What I mean by that is that he is simply allowing his own sexual attractions to other women lead him along, without even thinking about how it could damage the relationship. IF this is the case (and that’s a big IF), then he’s got some serious growing up to do, and until that happens, working on the relationship will NOT guarantee that he will not do something like this again!
If, on the other hand, you two were having problems (yes, even BIG problems) in your relationship before you discovered the infidelity, it means that there is a real connection between his emotional life and his sexual life – if you both work on one, it will help the other. So, with professional help (using a coach, minister, counselor on Clarapy), you can explore your problems together and make positive changes! (assuming he’s willing of course…)
Besides the above, you will need to consider how your decisions would impact the two children you speak of. It sounds like they are under the age of 3 years. That means that more than likely they will not be severely “emotionally scarred” if you should decide to end the relationship. However, you should also consider what risk you place them in (if any) if you decide to continue in the relationship. As they mature, they will become more aware of their emotional surroundings. If your partner should break your trust again…depending on how old they are…this will make a difference to them. On the other hand, the potential joy of having a stable father in their lives is so very, very important, that it may outweigh any other risk in giving him another chance (assuming you consider him to be a good, stable, example of fatherhood to your children).
In this regard, I am a little concerned about a man who is willing to have children with you and yet not commit to you in public (marriage). I must confess that I believe marriage is more than just a piece of paper. It’s a public and legal commitment to a relationship. While I realize that the decision to have children may stem more from a woman than a man, I am a firm believer that the three most important emotional components for a child’s self-esteem are STABILITY, a SENSE OF BELONGING, and POSITIVE SAME-SEX ROLE MODELS (girls with mothers, boys with fathers). As long as he was willing to continue in the relationship with you when you had the children, then he was allowing children to come into the world with the expectation that HE WOULD ALWAYS BE THERE. Now tell me, if this is true…why wouldn’t he marry you? I find this disturbing…(Of course, you may disagree…And please, I hope that your answer would NOT be that you are “sticking it out” with the HOPE for marriage…You’re better than that!)
Finally, you will need to assess your own ability to continue in the relationship without your anger getting in the way. Now don’t get me wrong here, you have every right to be furious (who wouldn’t be?). But if you are to have any continued future together you must not let any anger you have toward him mess up your relationship. If you simply cannot let it go…if you let the grudge constantly put you in a position where you are questioning his every move or belittling his every action….then to try to continue in the relationship would be a waste of time for you.
I know that this is a lot to think about Like I said, infidelity places tremendous burdens on its victims. You will have to weigh how important each of the areas above are to you. I would suggest that you take out a sheet of paper and write down your feelings about each of the issues I have presented here. Try to be fair, but honest. You may find it helpful to ask someone who knows you and your partner (and whose opinion you trust) for their ideas regarding some of these areas…just for your own information. Try to be as logical and non-emotional about it as possible (I realize that this is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT).
I hope you have found something here to help you. I wish you the very best and I hope this answers your questions regarding your boyfriend cheating on you. Also, you may want to consider taking our self-esteem self assessment test. I’m not suggesting you have low self esteem because your boyfriend cheated on you. Infidelity has more to do with the self-esteem of the other person. However, the more you understand about yourself, the less difficult it will be to see the answers that are best for you.
Most of the married women have a common concern on how to make their husbands fall in love with them all over again. Sometimes for some of us, it was hard the first time! After years of marriage, there is a possibility that the romance can vanish and cause trouble in your married life. When there is a change in feelings, it leads the marriage fill with worries and insecurities. It is definitely not the best feeling when you figure out that your husband may not feel for you like before. Well, you can either kill your marriage or save it by acting immediately. Some of the effective tips given below may work out beneficial for you to make your husband fall for you again.
How to Make your Husband Fall in Love with you
Positive attitude: One of the common mistakes most women commit when they are going through troubled marriage is by figuring out the exact cause that faded the relationship. Rather than worrying about the negatives that have taken place in your life, you should mainly focus on the positives. If you focus on what went wrong then you may end up regretting and feeling low about yourself.
Value your husband: When you start looking at everything with a positive mind, your husband will definitely notice the change in you and your behavior, and may even get inspired by the changes. When you express your love for him and show him that you value his presence as the most special part of your life, you will see certainly see change in his attitude.
I am the best attitude: Try to bring out the best in you. When you see your face in the mirror, try to focus on the best features instead of looking at the acne and rest of the things. Take care of your appearance as it is one of the most essential tricks to keep your marriage alive. Go for a makeover and feel good about yourself.
Chase your dreams: Following your dreams and doing things that you always wanted to do can help you become more confident about yourself. When you have your own set of dreams and interests, you can make a confident and an attractive partner as you will have several aspects to share and talk about.
Bring back the charm and fun in the relationship: Try to be lively again as a couple. Never get too serious about your lives. Don’t let money matters and family issues affect your relationship. There is no denying that these matters are of utmost importance in one’s life, however do not allow it take over your life fully. Have fun moments together by making conscious efforts. Step out together to have a scoop of ice cream or walk into a nightclub to bring back the romance.
Love yourself for others to love you: If you want your husband to love you, it is important that you love yourself. You will have more to offer when you love yourself. By treating yourself very well, you will also make your husband realize how lucky he is to have you in his life. Well, you can try out these tips and notice good changes that can make your husband fall for you all over again. Now that’s how to make your husband fall in love with you again.