Dating Married Women

Dating Married Women – Say What?

There are many men who love dating married women. I know it sounds dangerous to me, but it’s their choice and they’re free to do as they please. A lot of this has to do with fear of commitment issues as you may or may not know. I mean really now there’s zero responsibility except for not getting caught and killed by her husband.

Than there’s also the element of she’s risking her marriage for me, aren’t I something. In other words, ego tripping which means this person is insecure and needs this type of relationship to make him feel like he’s a ladies man.

Dating married women can also be a way to seek excitement and danger. After all, there’s all that sneaking, lying and sleazy maneuvering that must be done! This could very well be a form of relationship addiction, without drama it’s no fun.

This is also a way to save money since he can’t really buy gifts for her husband might get suspicious. Naturally, they can’t go out much and risk being seen so no eating out, movies or night clubbing. Mostly they try to hide so they usually end up at his place.

Of course, it will run it’s course and typically doesn’t have a happy ending. Dating married women over 50 has it’s drawbacks too. One is the angry husband if he catches them. Another problem that could mess this up is he might fall in love with her. And guess what, she’s not willing to leave the hubby!

The only way for dating married women to make sense is if it’s mutual. By this I’m referring to wife swapping or swinging, whatever term you prefer. I don’t care for this lifestyle, but it is alive and well in 2016 as I type this. If you don’t believe me then google it and see the thousands of people searching online for someone to swap with.

If you do google it take my advice and don’t let your spouse know you did and if they catch you just blame me and show them this article. Dating married women-say what!


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The Two Ways to Make Custody Evaluations Holistic

The Two Ways to Make Custody Evaluations Holistic

1. The “whole” picture means the past, present, and future are equally important.

During custody disputes, there is a recognition that everyone is under stress and therefore not going to look their best. Some of the most intelligent, nicest people on earth just don’t do well under stress. And what could be more stressful than the legal process which sets up people as adversaries? That means that in order to learn how parents really function, I need to get a picture over time. I need to get a past history and several present interviews. Personality tests taken now, when things are highly stressed, give a distorted picture. Old tests, say for military service, taken when people were performing at their peak, will give me a much more accurate picture of the person.

On the other hand, we all should be learning from experience. Parenting classes, for example, provide the kind of information that, if taken seriously, literally change the personality of the person taking them. It is up to the evaluator, during intensive interviews, to determine just how life-changing such learning experiences actually were for the parent. Based on this information, a sensitive evaluator can make fairly good predictions as to the future behavior of a particular individual.

2. The “whole” picture includes the whole family.

The evaluator meets individually with the parents and the child or children. It is important to find out the parents’ strengths, resources, and readiness to resume the challenges of parenting. The evaluator also needs to meet the child alone to find out his or her functioning, fears, desires, and needs. It is important to listen to the child with respect. The child’s fears and possible trauma must be assessed for, and meetings with his or her present caretakers assist in this process.

Trauma may originate from abuse, neglect, removal, separation from parents, divorce battles, frequent environmental changes, and loss of basic nurturing needs. Thus, an abused or neglected child may be doubly and triply traumatized through efforts to protect or return him or her, and a child caught in parental divorce proceedings can be inadvertently traumatized through each parent’s deep desire to win custody.

One way that the evaluator can assess which placement will not only do the least harm but will begin the healing process is to observe the child together with the family. In order to do this, the child must be willing to have such a meeting. The child’s willingness must be freely given and not coerced by either side in the dispute. Coercion can be obvious or subtle. The skilled evaluator can determine possible coercion and what the child actually wants after personal interviews with the child and several opportunities to observe the child and the different caretakers interacting together.


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Marriage Difficulties Or Divorce Difficulties?

Marriage Difficulties

If  you’ve been married any length of time then you know that there are difficulties in marriage. Marriage isn’t for wimps and requires preparation! It’s for couples who are willing to commit to making a relationship work no matter what. Couples who don’t get divorced just because they’re so called incompatible. As far as being incompatible everyone is incompatible in a way.

Really now, are you expecting to be with someone that you’re compatible with in every facet of life? If so, then you have unrealistic expectations. There will be marriage difficulties and they will usually come from having a difference of opinion.

The main problem is emotions when emotions are involved then it’s hard to get past how you feel. That’s why counseling is so important, a therapist is impartial and has no feelings tied up in the issue at hand. Therefore, they can see what’s really going on and determine what can be done to correct the situation.

This is also why family and or friends should not be involved in marriage difficulties since they too are emotionally involved with one or both parties and aren’t impartial.

When there is a fight in a marriage or relationship both parties need to wait until anger has subsided to try and resolve the conflict. Angry people are not logical or rational.

Then once the subject is approached in a rational manner after emotions are on an even keel you can decide if it’s worth debating, or it’s not worth fighting over. In other words, don’t be petty let it go if it’s not important.

Don’t allow pride to keep it alive! Pride is a big issue when it comes to resolving marriage difficulties. A prideful mindset just cares about winning and nobody wins when the marriage ends just because someone wants to win each and every disagreement.

There will always be difficulties in marriage which need to be resolved, so don’t assume you’re incompatible simply because you don’t agree on everything.


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Flirting Signs – Is Your Spouse Flirting?

Flirting Signs And Does Your Spouse Have Them?

What are flirting signs? How do you know if your spouse is just being friendly or flirting? After you read this you will know what to look for and what is REALLY going on.

Sometimes it’s hard to read a person’s body language, but if you pay close attention and know what to look for then it’s easier. Flirting signs can be obvious or not so obvious so you need an eye for detail, especially if they’re trying to not get caught.

Here’s a list of some obvious and not so obvious flirting signs:

  • Saying their name frequently in conversation.
  • Complimenting them a little too much.
  • Asking personal questions.
  • Touching their body or hair.
  • Catering to their wants or needs.
  • Being as close to them as possible.
  • Laughing at their remarks when it isn’t funny.
  • Frequent eye contact and looking them up and down.

To add to this women and men have different flirting signs. The men tend to be more bold and aggressive, especially when drinking. They actually stare intently and try to get the woman alone somehow. So, they are easier to catch.

The women, however, are more subtle and do things like playing with their hair and tossing their head, glancing out of the side of their eyes and rubbing their body slowly to attract his attention to that particular area. They also lean in to try and brush up against them, ever so softly, as to not get noticed.

These flirting signs will be sure to show up if your spouse is indeed flirting all you need to do is watch and listen. It’s best if you’re not obvious and pretend you’re distracted doing something else then they will let their guard down for sure.

Once you are pretty sure the flirting signs are for real then you need to have a heart to heart talk about the matter. That’s right, confrontation! However, wait until you’re calm, not nagging about it and not angry so that you can discuss it in a rational manner. Let them know flirting is unacceptable to you and that they need to stop doing it.

Flirting doesn’t necessarily mean they have intentions of cheating (see signs you should break up), in fact, many do it just to feed their ego or to get attention, but that doesn’t make it right.


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Tips for Marriage – Marriage Debt

The Dirty Little 4 Letter Word In A Marriage… “Debt”

There’s no doubt that debt is a major concern when it comes to marriage. The statistics tell us that debt is rampant and marriage debt is rising. One of the main reasons for this is that couples DO NOT discuss finances before they get married. Whether it’s because they consider their financial situation to be their business alone or don’t consider it at all, it can become a serious issue.

To avoid this you need to discuss financial matters BEFORE you get married. Both parties should know how much the other is in debt, nothing should be kept hidden from the other. It certainly isn’t fair or ethical to bring debt into a marriage without your partner knowing about it. They deserve to know what they’re getting into which will build trust in your marriage or otherwise, they are being deceived. And at some point they’re sure to find out and it’s much worse if they discover it, as opposed to you telling them.

Whether it’s credit card debt, bankruptcy, collection agencies, judgments, liens, taxes owed or whatever, you need to come clean from the get go. Then you both can decide if you want to go forward with the marriage even though there’s debt issues or wait until it’s paid off and start fresh.

That said, if you’re already married and debt is creeping in on you or is already there you need to have a serious heart to heart talk and see what you can do to get a handle on it. Debts in marriage are the responsibility of both parties, therefore, both need to look closely at who is spending what on what. Major purchases such as a home, vehicles or anything that costs 100’s or 1,000’s of dollars shouldn’t be bought without both parties’ knowledge and approval.

Finally, if you are in marriage debt right now there are a couple of things you need to do. Get ready this is HUGE! You must change your spending habits by committing to a written plan called a budget. Then get an extra job and start paying off debt, the smallest one first would be best.

One other thing you can do to help you through this is talk with someone you both trust that will be supportive and provide comfort to both of you such as a family member or pastor.

Get more in our relationship and marriage tips section. You can also speak with our community for more advice.


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Emotional Infidelity, Yes It’s Cheating

Emotional Infidelity

Emotional infidelity is when a person thinks intimately and desires emotional intimacy with someone other than their spouse. Then they begin to fantasize about sexual or emotional inappropriate behaviors with them on a daily basis.

Many times emotional infidelity begins when you disclose intimate details of your marriage with someone of the opposite sex. Perhaps you are having a hard time in your marriage & feel like you are unable to speak to your spouse, so you end up trying to get validation elsewhere. This is a big mistake!

The next thing you know, you need them to feel special and wanted. In addition, when you talk you disclose more and more of what’s going on in your marriage. Then you begin to crave emotional intimacy with them, this is when emotional infidelity sets in.

Emotional infidelity has become more popular on the internet as well. It happens in chat rooms, forums and discussion groups everyday. This can get even more intimate due to the anonymity factor. You feel like you can discuss your darkest secrets; the ones you won’t share in person. Once again, big mistake!

Some signs of emotional infidelity are:
* You anticipate time with your ‘friend’ more each day
* You withdraw from your spouse
* Giving special gifts to your ‘friend’
* Fantasizing about your ‘friend’
* Your ‘friend’ understands you better than your spouse

If any of these sound familiar you’re having an emotional affair! Time to end it before you lose your marriage over a fantasy.

To avoid emotional infidelity spend more time with your spouse along with honest open communication. Have fun and bring romance back into the marriage.

If you feel like there’s a problem you can’t discuss with your spouse talk to a person of the same sex, your pastor or a trusted family member.

Whatever you do don’t discuss personal issues of your marriage with a person of the opposite sex. This will open the door for emotional infidelity.


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Why Retaliation Affairs Only Make Things Worse

It’s not unusual for a spouse whose partner has had an affair to have a “get even” or “retaliation affair.” The feelings of betrayal and the emotional pain are so devastating that the spouse may want to hurt the partner like he (or she) has been hurt.

In some cases, the affair is planned out in advance as a deliberate way to get even and cause pain to the partner. In other cases, the betrayed spouse confides in a sympathetic friend or coworker and ends up becoming emotionally bonded with that person, eventually resulting in a sexual affair. There are other situations where the spouse impulsively picks up someone in a bar and has a one-night stand.

The affair or one-night stand results from a combination of feelings–betrayal, shock, outrage, grief, hurt, numbness, the desire for revenge, and the feeling that being faithful doesn’t matter anymore now that the partner has crossed the line. The betrayed spouse wants to “even the score,” to seek comfort and solace in someone else’s arms, and to prop up self-esteem and feelings of being sexually desirable.

There’s also the feeling on the part of the betrayed spouse that the partner can’t say anything about the retaliation affair because he or she did the same thing. There’s also often the feeling that the “get even affair” is the fault of the partner who had the first affair, and he (or she) gets the blame for everything that has happened.

The betrayed spouse may tell the partner: “This is all your fault. If you hadn’t had the affair that you did, none of this would have happened.” He (or she) may be unwilling to accept any responsibility for what has taken place, and he may become mired in blame. (This, of course, is a cop-out. Each person is always responsible for individual choices and decisions.)

While it’s easy to understand how a retaliation or get even affair can happen, dealing with the aftermath certainly isn’t easy. The relationship dynamics were already complicated and messy, and now they are even more so.

Retaliation affairs only make things worse. Here are ten reasons why:

1. When the original affair took place, there was already one person too many in the marriage relationship–now there are two people too many, with all of the complications and complexity that brings with it. The marriage problems are compounded when this happens.

2. The outside person who has been drawn into the retaliation affair is likely to end up feeling used and taken advantage of when the dust settles. And using someone else sexually never produces the kind of energy that you want to invite into your life. Plus, afterwards there can be lingering guilt and regret.

3. Because the retaliation affair is based on wanting to hurt your partner, nothing good can come of it. This quote by Charley Reese sums up why: “It is never wise to seek or wish for another’s misfortune. If malice or envy were tangible and had a shape, it would be a boomerang.”
“…dealing with the aftermath certainly isn’t easy.”
4. Having a retaliation affair is right up there with “cutting off your nose to spite your face” and “shooting yourself in the foot.” This means that you’ll only be hurting yourself more than anyone else if you let your anger and desire for revenge get the upper hand.

5. Engaging in a “get even fling” will only drive a bigger wedge between you and your partner and make it harder for you to address the real problems in the marriage. It will also serve as a diversion from focusing on the deeper, underlying issues.

6. The retaliation affair or one night stand offers only temporary escape from the pain and distress. When the brief interlude is over, the heartache is still there. There’s no getting around the fact that “You take yourself with you wherever you go.” The temporary escape won’t bring you lasting happiness or joy.

7. Getting even with your partner by having sex with someone else won’t help you accomplish the goal of rebuilding and restoring your marriage. It will only take you further down the road toward dissention, irreconcilable differences, separation, and divorce.

8. If you have children, they can be adversely affected by your actions. Kids learn about relationships, problem solving, and how to handle crisis and anger from their parents. It’s important to model the kind of behavior and reactions that you want them to learn and adopt in their life.

9. You never go wrong by taking the “high road.” On the other hand, you invite negative energy, disharmony, conflict, and unpleasantness into your life when you take the “low road.” It can take a long time to untangle yourself from the mess you’ve created.

10. The saying, “Two wrongs don’t make a right” has been quoted through the years because it’s true–just because someone else “did you wrong” doesn’t make it okay for you to do the same thing to them. There’s another saying that applies here: “He who seeks revenge should dig two graves.”

Hard as it can be to resist the urge to get even or retaliate, the most helpful action you can take if you are the betrayed spouse is to find an experienced counselor who can help you cope with the painful situation.

That way, you’ll have the support, encouragement, and objective feedback that you need to make sound, thoughtful decisions and avoid a rash “knee jerk” response that will tear your relationship apart even more.


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Is He A Feminine Husband Or, Are You A Masculine Wife?

Which is it? Is He A Feminine Husband Or… Are You A Masculine Wife?

Many women complain about their feminine husband. So, what could be triggering husbands to take the feminine role in the relationship?
As you may be aware, western societies often pressure men to become more sensitive, while women are nurtured to become more independent. So, is it surprising  to see feminine husbands and masculine wives? If you feel that your husband is becoming feminine, it’s time to step back and analyze the dynamics of your whole relationship.

Ask yourself the following questions?

  • Is he the one who gets emotional and overwhelmed with problems while you are the one who has to come up with the solutions?
  • Could it be that you are somehow adopting the masculine role encouraging him to adopt the feminine?
  • Could it be the other way around?

There aren’t simple answers to this complex dynamic, but one thing we can say for sure is:

When one of the partners takes a role in the relationship, the other partner unconsciously takes the opposite. If you’re a very feminine woman and remain the same in your marriage, your husband will likely become very masculine. The reverse could also happen, if for some reason you become masculine in your behavior, as a reaction, he would become feminine in his. People really don’t realize this, but our actions cause an equal and opposite reaction on our partner.

Men becoming more nice and sensitive and women becoming more independent and strong facilitate this interchange in their roles in the relationship. The question here would be if you are happy with this new arrangement.

If you feel uncomfortable having a feminine husband, do your part and get back to your feminine nature. Don’t worry about trying to convince him of any change in your relationship, just be feminine and he will become masculine, it is just nature!

If you would like more marriage advice, go here.


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Not In Love With Husband Anymore – What happened?

Options Explored – Not In Love With Husband Anymore

“I’m not in love with husband anymore”, the terse remark came from a young woman I chatted with, her tongue yoked firmly in cheek. Here was a woman facing a meltdown in her marriage and was remarkably upfront about it. But contrary to popular perception, it takes more than just in-your-face guts and gumption to tide over this hugely overwhelming situation.

For those of us that have grown up on a surfeit of apocryphal stories of fairytale romances, it’s hard to perceive marriage without those sepia-tinged glasses. It takes us a while to come to terms with the fact that a relationship is like a roller coaster that has ups and downs. While the good times envelope us in euphoria, we need to face the bad times with a lot of grit and fortitude. And separation is definitely not a plausible solution. not in love with husband anymore

If you are down in the dumps because there is no intimacy, communication or trust between you and your partner, you should not view these as the harbinger of gloom. During these turbulent times, it’s pretty natural for the wife’s imagination to go into overdrive, especially if there’s a yawning gap between their husband’s words and actions.

So do you press the panic button or should you chat with a therapist? Well, maybe it’s just your imagination that needs to be curbed.

Celebrate Everlasting Love

It’s not hard to find women that are constantly kvetching about the complete drought of love and passion in their lives. In the inflammatory times that we are living in, the insidious pressures of hectic lifestyles take a toll on everything, including love that we feel for our partners.

In discharging his duties as a son and father, may be his love for you has taken a backseat, but that does not mean that there’s no love at all. To add to your woes, all those amorous glances and gestures seem to have become a thing of the past.

But don’t be depressed; causing a complete reversal of fortunes is not well-neigh impossible. First, it’s important that you rework your entire attitude towards this marriage. If you expect him to shower you with compliments, shouldn’t you reciprocate? If the lack of intimacy is a huge issue with you, you can rest assured that he feels the same way too.

Once you set the ball rolling with your expansive exchanges and warm gestures, you are sure to feel loved and valued yourself. When the sizzling chemistry is back, you can work on setting aside all your misunderstandings and fears.

It’s important to act right now. Because tomorrow never comes and you can stop an imminent divorce.


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An Easier Way To Stop Your Divorce 

Stop Your Divorce?

Never, not even in your wildest dreams, did you imagine that one day you would be trying, rather desperately, to stop your divorce.

Your thoughts keep making that agonizing journey to the most memorable day of your life, your wedding. Here was a couple that was made for each other, that vowed to stay together at every stage of this beautiful relationship- as man and wife, as a doting and responsible father and a mother to their children and finally, as gracefully ageing grandparents.

But today, your spouse seems to have distanced himself from you and his family, and argues ad nauseam that separation is virtually unavoidable.

It certainly is a cause for concern. But you stand firm and refuse to support him in his intentions, and try to give this fledging marriage one last chance. It’s never too late to stop your divorce, remember.

As parents, don’t you owe your child this much, you ask?

Moreover, as a forward-thinking woman, you feel you have every right to know why you’re being penalized for no fault of yours. So you try every conceivable trick in the book to help bring that spark into your vapid existence.

From seeking not-so-cheap advice from matrimonial counseling experts and guidance from unintelligible eBooks to meditation and yoga, you still don’t seem to be free from the agony. You are still groping in the dark about how to stop a divorce.

Myths About Marriage 

Okay, yours was a marriage that was enveloped in a rose-tinted cloud. It had all the trappings of love, passion, companionship and romance woven rather elaborately into it.

So if yours was a match made in heaven, where on earth did the how-do-I-stop-my-divorce thoughts come from?

Most marriages fall apart simply because they stagger under the burden of colossal expectations. The lack of communication and diminishing respect between partners acts as the trigger.

Niggling problems escalate into major arguments and all hell breaks loose. And before you even know it, you have fallen prey to the guiles of a nifty divorce lawyer.

If you feel divorce is the only way you can liberate yourself from the constraints of a claustrophobic relationship, then you are way off the mark.

In all cases, this extreme step only causes more agony and hurt. And the physical and mental trauma that your children go through is simply indescribable.

Time For Introspection

It might seem quaint, but before you decide to end that thorny relationship, it’s important to do some introspection. Here are some questions that you need to ask yourself very sincerely:

  • Why are you trying so hard to save your marriage? Are your earnest efforts guided solely by the fear of loneliness and frustration, or is it something more deep-rooted? You must ascertain the real reason behind your actions.
  • Are you being consumed by a feeling of guilt? Are you feeling responsible for the pain and anguish that you would be causing to your distraught partner? You must try to reason if your guilt is responsible for any change in your decision to take a divorce.
  • Gauge the reaction from the other end: If your partner is supportive of your efforts of stalling the divorce proceedings, it certainly gives your initiative a much-needed shot in the arm. But if he/she seems to maintain a detached character, then you must try and understand the reason for the same. This will help you arrive at a more plausible solution to this contentious issue.
  • What the future holds? Will your life be as gloomy or will things improve if you stop the divorce? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with your spouse? The answers to these questions are vital in your attempt to patch things up.
  • Act now: Once you have decided about your future course of action, it’s time to set the ball rolling. If you are convinced that seeking a divorce is inevitable, then you must achieve your aim with maturity and dignity. But if you feel that preventing a breakup deserves a full-on shot, then it’s time to pull out all the stops and stop your divorce.

Save Your Relationship With <Fill in the blank> So you are going to stop at nothing in an attempt to save your long-standing relationship. But while doing so, make sure you do not lose your self-respect.

Most people try to resurrect their failed marriage by begging or pleading. This, quite honestly, makes you look awful, and only inspires a feeling of pity. It will, on the contrary, push your disgruntled partner farther away.

Instead, do your bit with strength and confidence. Make the most of your time by indulging in constructive activities that give your morale a tremendous boost.

When your spouse sees you having a life of your own that’s devoid of his/her presence, his hostile attitude is sure to undergo a sea change.

And you would have managed to save your relationship rather admirably. Hopefully, you will live happily ever after.


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