Hello my lovely Clarapy readers! My name is John Hand and I’m a sociologist and psychologist turned relationship expert. Every week I will be blogging about relationships issues coming straight from our community of Clarapy users.
For all people who still don’t know what Clarapy is, I will explain. Clarapy is a community driven relationship advice platform which empowers individuals to tackle any relationship problems head-on. No more feelings of despair, betrayal, guilt, anger or shame. No matter where live, or what kind of problem you have, our community is available to you. To join our community, download our free app for iOS or Android, or access our web version.
Now for today’s topic: Married Male Not Feeling Appreciated
This comes from user @Dlh0432 on Clarapy.
“Me and my wife have been married for 3 years. She has lied, cheated and put me down emotionally. I feel I have wasted time, effort, money and tears on her. I’ve given everything and have nothing left to give. My future was bright but now I’ve been consumed by the wrongdoings and can’t seem to get over it, not because I don’t want to, but because she won’t change her mindset. I regret meeting her and marrying her. Since she has been in my life, I have been at a standstill in everything. No progression, no love, nothing but emptiness. I gave her everything and got nothing in return.”
Now for the sociological perspective
I’ve spoken with many people namely males that feel the same as @Dlh0432 feels. No matter how hard they try to appease their mates (by showing emotion, weakness, fragility), they find themselves figuratively battered and emotionally bankrupted. Why is that? I believe modern western societies are responsible for this trend. How many films or TV shows have you seen where men are depicted as imbeciles undeserving of emotional consideration from their partners? Silently society gives a nod to this, because as men, we can “take it like a man”. Whether that idea is justified or not, this role that some men find themselves in and it’s problematic for a healthy relationship.
Now to the psychological perspective
For @Dlh0432 he is quick to blame his wife for cheating, lying and putting him down. It’s true in that he is not responsible for her actions, but he is certainly responsible for his actions namely remaining in the situation as it stands. On some fundamental level, he isn’t respecting himself nor the marriage he is working to create because he is allowing the lying and cheating to persist. Could you imagine John Wayne or Denzel Washington allowing their partner to cheat and lie to them? Probably not and if you could it would certainly distort their imagine in your mind. I know to the reach the point of accepting responsibility for your role in a situation is emotionally tremulous and difficult to execute on. But it’s imperative that @Dlh0432 does so if he wants to overcome the situation. @Dlh0432 remaining in a situation where he is not respected as a spouse says more about him then it says about his wife and until he addresses that through therapy or on his own, he will continue to be victimized by his wife and his lack of self-respect in himself.