What Do Women Like To Talk About

“The Sweetest Voice To Hear Is Your Own.” – What Do Women Like To Talk About?

What this means is simply that given an opportunity most women will love to talk about themselves to no end and love you for allowing them to do so. If you can understand this, you will know be able to answer the question of what women like to talk about. If you have not already done so, check out our section on how a dating coach can help you. If you are more of a John Wayne type, continue reading cowboy!

So you have absolutely no reason to say that you do not know what to talk about when you approach a beautiful woman.

Simply steer the conversation around her and her interests and she will gladly keep the conversation alive by constantly talking.

And by the time she is done talking she will have revealed to you enough info on her interests to allow you to build rapport…

Remember that the most important thing to do in conversation with a beautiful woman, is to quickly create a connection and a sense of familiarity based shared common interests with her.

This is called Rapport.

Once rapport is created she lets her defenses down because she feels like that connection with you.

That certain “Je ne sais quoi?” that she cant explain but has her feeling comfortable enough around you to start sharing more personal stuff and the connection continues to grow.

So try these few steps for the next few days:

  • Do nothing but ask women questions about themselves; allow her to talk about her interests, her likes and dislikes, etc.
  • Make sure to make a note of common interests/hobbies you both share. You will need to reveal and build on these common interests/hobbies to her soon so as to build rapport with her.
  • DO NOT cut her off in mid conversation to share your views and opinions unless you are asked. When you’re opinion is expected or asked, simply respond quickly and then get her talking about a common interest you both share.
  • Do not try and solve her problems or her issues unless she asks for your help.
  • Do not appear to be interrogate her. It’s a conversation and thus a dialogue. Don’t keep quiet the whole time; simply listen A LOT more than you talk.

Now what you will notice is that even the shy and relatively quiet women like to talk about themselves.

And they will gladly open up to you simply because you gave them a chance to talk about themselves.

Please note that when you are patient enough to allow women to talk about themselves, they will think of you as a great listener and a great guy to be with.

Why?

Because it subtly communicates that you are interested in her without using some corny pick up line to communicate your interest.

Women love it when you have a keen interest in what she has to say and not just what she looks like.

But be careful not to communicate any over-interest or a needy nature. Be cool, commanding and relaxed… and the charm will flow out of you easily.

Want more manly advice? Check it out now!


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5 Benefits Of Confidence

So why is confidence important to you?

Well the answer is found by examining the benefits of gaining Confidence:

BENEFIT #1: Emotional Maturity

You really do not want to be one those men who live for the social acceptance of women.

Why?

Because social acceptance will become your source of confidence; the result being that you become dependent on social acceptance from women (needy).

Men as supposed to be emotionally mature enough to not be needy. The #1 thing that women hate is a needy man. Ask all your friends and they will all tell you this as well.

So here is the secret to this emotional maturity… CONFIDENCE!

Emotional maturity of this sort comes from having the confidence in yourself not to seek the acceptance of others and therefore not becoming needy to women.

BENEFIT #2: Charm

Men who are successful with women have a raw charm about them that women just seem to love.

Now that charm cannot exist if you are fearful, timid and lacking in confidence. And that’s a simple fact… with no two ways about it!

Being charm has little to do with what you say, but instead the confident way that you say it. I.e. The way you confidently carry yourself and react in social interactions.

BENEFIT #3: Courage To Fail

When you gain your new found confidence, only then will you be able to attempt the many social techniques that you will learn here… and attempt them boldly.

Confidence will be the difference between success and failure when approaching and talking to women.

And even when you fail along the way, confidence will allow you to brush the dust of your shoulders and try again boldly until you get it right.

BENEFIT #4: Cocky Humor

You cannot attempt corky humor if you are not confident. You’ll only end up either being cocky
and not very humorous (making you look like a pompous ass) or just funny like a clown; neither of which you want.

Cocky humor is an important element to the charm of a great conversationalist and it can never be performed properly without Confidence!

Why is that?

Well simply because it requires you to be a bit of a playful ass and yet be unapologetic about what you say; even though it may sometimes be “Bold & Outrageous.”

Trust me, sometimes you may say the wrong thing at the wrong time or just say something that is straight up “corny” but the fact that you have a genuine pleasant and playful confidence, you will “magically” appear humorous and charming in the eyes of a girl.

Corky humor works like a charm!

BENEFIT #5: Love

First learn to love yourself, so you can learn how to truly love others.

Even the Bible says: “Love Your Neighbor as You Love Yourself”

Now Read that again and notice the last part of that sentence… as you love yourself.

Confidence and Self Respect equate to Self Love.

And once you truly love yourself, you will be able to truly love and respect others, as you will treat others as you treat yourself and also as you expect to be treated.

So I hope you are beginning to see the importance of confidence to your everyday social life… Confidence easily equates to being the foundation to social and intimate success with women.


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Getting Rejected. Top 3 Reasons Women Reject Men

We all know what getting rejected feels like

Now in this article we’ll be addressing the nasty rejection that most men actually fear. You know the classic getting slapped on the face, maced in the eyes, verbal insults, UFC fight breaking out, etc. This post is all about getting rejected.

Because the truth is that this is the only definition of rejection that is worth considering or even worrying about. If you are personally are afraid of being politely turned down with words like “Sorry, I have a boyfriend”, “I’m busy” or “No thanks I just not interested” then maybe you just need to grow up! That’s not getting rejected!

But lets get back on topic…

The reasons that would result in a woman rejecting you in a bad way are pretty easy to avoid once you know what not to do. And so the main reasons for rejection are:

1.   You Do Something Stupid And/Or Overly Macho

Believe it or not, women don’t like it when you randomly walk up to them, put your arm on their shoulder and say stuff like “Hey Baby, you look hot today!”

Nor do they like it when you follow them around everywhere. Or try to secretly take a picture of her on your camera phone. Or forcefully sit to close or generally invade their personal space.

All these are bad ideas.

Also note that the overly macho approach is also doomed to fail. Once you come off as a complete jerk or a-hole then she will most likely let you know.

2.   You Don’t Take A Hint

This is a simple one to remember: “No, actually does mean no!”

If she isn’t feeling your vibe in the slightest then she will let it be known. What you need to do at this point is take the hint and back off.

So if you get one of those patented soft rejection responses like “Sorry, I have a boyfriend”, “I’m busy” or “No thanks I just not interested” then take it stride and walk away. This is not a test to see how interested you really are in her. Don’t grab her arm as she tries to walk away. Don’t try to stop her from walk away unless you really enjoy getting rejected.

When she says no, it doesn’t mean maybe… it really does mean no.

This is one time when persistence doesn’t pay.

3.   You Creep Her Out

Do not approach a gurl dressed up in messy clad, unkempt hair, smelly breath and blood shot eyes that keep darting around from side to side.

Creeping her out wont end well for you.

It is also a definite no-no to spend all night staring at her, then walk over to her all shy, nervous and fidgety and then say something like “You remind me of my sister!”


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My Girlfriend Wants A Break And Now What?

My Girlfriend Wants A Break, A Cool Off Period And Now What?

Sometimes we find ourselves in a relationship that is on the rocks. We have tried, and have failed, to turn the ship around. When we are stuck in this situation, we can be concerned and even panicked that the relationship will end. And there are times when the person we are in the relationship decides that she is ready for a break. When this happens, we can feel even more scared that we have failed and the relationship is ending. What do we do when the girlfriend wants a break?

Here are some strategies that can help you find your way back from the brink and pull through in the difficult “break period” of a relationship.

Take a Breath

relax and breath
relax and breath

It can be hard to remember, but a break does not mean you have “broken up” with her. For one reason or another, she wants to take a break and that is better than her saying she never wants to see your face again, correct?

So before you have a nervous breakdown or an emotional pity-party, remember that this is a break for both of you. Take a moment to take a deep breath, feel a little weight rise off your shoulders, and appreciate the fact that you have not lost just yet. The worst thing you can do is to become more desperate and fearful, as it both does not look mature and will likely cause you to damage the relationship more.

Do Not Become Paranoid

One of the most corrosive attitudes you can have during a break period is to obsess over why the break occurred. Women are just as complex as men, and there likely is not just one reason you are on a break. By sitting around and obsessing over what it could be, you will inevitably come up with worst-case scenarios that will drive you nearly insane.

Try to remember that she is likely as emotional and lost as you are in the situation, and is likely going through the same worry and concern as you are. Remembering this can help you avoid jealousy, fear, and destructive behavior of your own. A break is not the end-all-be-all and you cannot treat it as such.

Do Not Accuse Her

No matter what your evidence or suspicion, it is important that you do not act as if she is taking a break from you to enact some dastardly plan. Do not become a jealous wretch and accuse her of wanting to be with someone else or being unfaithful. Being the accuser simply turns you into the bad person and pushes her away from you even more than she already is prepared to be.

By accusing her, you are saying there is a lack of trust that what she is doing is for the best. By accusing her of that, you are admitting that trust, a foundation of a relationship, is lacking in the relationship. It’s best to be lay low if your girlfriend wants a break.

Ask Her For a Timeline

Perhaps she has not thought through this break that she is asking for, but it is your right to at least ask if she knows when you can speak again. A lot of times these breaks are after long periods of silent distance or a single explosive argument stemming from persistent troubles. Regardless of the cause, she may simply feel overwhelmed and need space to think.

While she likely will not have a precise date or day, it is okay to ask for a general timeline for when you two can reconnect to check on how progression is going. Asking for this timeline both gives you a goal to work toward and a reconnection point. You are much less likely to lose full contact with her if you have a set date for coffee or lunch.

Take The Time To Better Yourself

Be proactive about who you are as a person. When we are around someone every day, we can lose sight of what makes them special. Take the time she will be away from you to reinvent yourself and discover new qualities about you. When you do this, not only do you better your chances of reestablishing the relationship, but you also show her that you are not stagnant. Even more important, you will feel better about yourself. Everyone can use a little revamp now-and-then, and a relationship break is a perfect time to do it.

Do Not Burn Bridges

When we are being “let go” (a.k.a. your girlfriend wants a break) it is easy to become despondent and to want to tell the other person off. Do not burn those bridges! She is asking you to let go just enough to give her space to think. She is also indirectly asking you to reassess where you are in your life. Instead of acting like she is persecuting you and damning her intentions, let her know that you understand.

Even if you do not fully understand, chances are that if she wants to take a break then you are aware of the relationship’s troubles as well. Allow her to know that you hear what she is saying and validate her concerns. Do not become defensive and demand any sort of satisfaction. Instead, let her know that when she is ready to talk, you will be there.

It is okay to tell her that you would rather not take a break, and that you think both of you can talk it out. There is nothing wrong with wanting to stand your ground and defending the relationship. At the same time, you must allow her to know that your door is always open and your phone is always on. This will allow her to know what a special and important person she has possessed in her life.

Last Note:

The “break period” can be unbelievably difficult. Time almost stands still as you wait for the day you can reconnect with the person or know you’ve lost them for good. It is almost like an ungodly purgatory on earth that you must endure. Perhaps the hardest part is going on with your daily tasks, but you must. Remembering that life continues during these difficult break periods, and always remembering to breath, can help you succeed in surviving such times. Also, remember that even though your girlfriend wants a break, you are taking your own time to evaluate things for yourself.

If you need more help, you can always reach out to our therapists or you can check out our relationship advice for men section for more tips.


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How To Get Your Ex Wife Back, The Easy Way!

How To Get Your Ex Wife Back

These days the divorce rate is on the rise.  In some societies, as many as 50% of couples get divorced.  Many people see divorce as the ultimate end of a marriage.  But is it really?  I don’t think so.  As long as your ex-wife has not remarried, there is still hope in getting your ex back.  In fact, in some ways it is easier to get your ex-wife back than to get your ex-girlfriend back.  That is because of the hassle in going through a formal divorce and all that goes with it such as custody of children, division of property, child support and alimony etc.  These matters can either work for or against you on how to get your ex wife back.

So, how to get your ex wife back?

First of all, do not be in a rush to get your ex-wife back.  Whatever the causes of the breakup were, it is important to give yourselves some time and space to evaluate things so that you do not do anything out of impulse.  Take about a month to ‘cool off’.  During this time, you should think about your marriage and what it meant to you.  Forgiveness is the goal.  This is also a good time to evaluate yourself and make some changes.  When you eventually get back together with your ex, you don’t want her to get back the same old you, right?  Before even thinking about how to get your ex-wife back, you must get your own act together.  Whatever your fault was that led to your breakup, you need to change or rectify it.

Only after a month of self-evaluation and personal changes should you make steps to get your ex-wife back.  When the time is right, you can contact your ex-wife and ask her out for a casual date.  Don’t make it a formal one, just stick to doing something fun and casual together.  The purpose is to help her see the changes in you and get used to being with you again.  Take this opportunity to make it a memorable occasion.  Do something that you used to enjoy doing together without being too pushy or intrusive.  You must not present the impression that you’re desperate to get her back (even if you are).  Just focus on having fun and engaging in some light conversation together.

After this first date, don’t be in a rush to arrange the second one.  Remember, don’t appear desperate.  Let a week or two pass before contacting her again to ask for another time out together.  Once you get your ex-wife to agree to see you again, repeat the same modus operandi of having a fun and memorable time together.

Keep this up for a few months and gradually work towards talking about whether you should get back together again.  But this has to happen naturally when both of you are ready to talk about it.  If you bring up the subject and you get a negative reaction from your ex, it means you have gone into it too soon.  Back up and start over.  Your ex-wife needs time to get the idea of being together with you again.

It is not impossible to win your ex-wife back even after a divorce or separation.  It would take time, but if you play your cards right, you will have warmed up your ex-wife over a period of months to the idea of a reconciliation.  Then you can talk about more serious stuff like the future and all that pertains to it.  If that happens, you are well on the road to getting back together with your ex-wife.


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How To Keep A Girl Interested In You

Learn How To Keep A Girl Interested In You

For many men, finding a way to get a woman to talk to him is utter torture. Many men do not know how to approach a woman, let alone how to obtain and then maintain their attention. It certainly is not always an easy task. It is doubly difficult if you do not drive a Ferrari or look like Brad Pitt, but you don’t need a fast car or good looks to learn how to keep a girl interested.

Instead, what most of us have to work with are moderate incomes, four door midsized cars, and just above average looks. Well with the right teaching, anyone with those qualities can get a girl to not only focus on them, but also focus on them exclusively. What it takes is commitment to the craft and trust in the method. What it does (with enough practice) is allows almost any guy can grab almost any woman’s attention and maintain it long enough to get a phone number or even a date. If you haven’t already, check out the Alpha Male guide.

Do Not Force the Issue

How to keep a girl interested in you
How to keep a girl interested in you

One of the biggest mistakes you can make when trying to get a woman’s attention is to attempt and force the issue. The reason this is an awful concept is two-fold. First, the word force is already being used. When has the word force ever been a good sign?

Forcing means shoving yourself, often awkwardly, into a situation where the timing just is not right. Do not try to shout directly into a woman’s eardrum at a show or party. Do not yell to her while running across a busy street.

If she is engaged in a conversation with someone else, do not attempt to work your way in. Remember that patience is a virtue, and if you wait long enough you will find a proper opportunity to approach and speak with her. It may be best to remind all here that there is a thin line between waiting patiently, and looking like someone who is stalking. Be very careful when waiting your turn to speak with her and avoid just staring directly at her for minutes at a time. It creeps everyone out, including her.

Use Leading Questions

When you do get to speak with her, remember that leading questions are the easiest ways to avoid being shut down. What are leading questions, you might ask? A leading question is a question that cannot be answered with a monosyllabic phrase like “Yes” or “No”. Instead, leading questions get her to give a more detailed answer and often lead to more questions that are open-ended.

For example, you can ask “How much do you enjoy this type of music?” while admittedly not the most well crafted sentence in the world, hopefully you can see that the question lends itself to a longer answer than a “yes” or “no.” It instead gives the woman a chance to express her interest. This question also inevitably leads to “Who are your favorite artists in the genre?” or “What artists and genres do you like instead of this one.”

Maintain Eye Contact

Maintaining eye contact
Maintaining eye contact

One of the most underutilized attention-grabbing skills when it comes to men is maintaining eye contact. Eye contact tells someone that you are listening. It also tells them that you value what they have to say and are interested in their expression of opinion.

Women will inevitably feel a stronger connection with a man that maintains proper eye contact. It is however, important not to stare. Certainly do not stare aggressively. For some reason men who figure out the trick of eye contact think that they must engage in sort of staring competition. This is not how you should approach eye contact. Simply maintain eye contact for three-to-five seconds at a time while the woman is talking.

What She Wants to Talk About

While you may be excited to tell a woman everything about how special you are, it is important to hold back that impulse. If you want to keep her attention then you should talk about what she wants to talk about. This is how you keep a girl interested in you.

This does not mean that you should try to remain 100% mysterious. Instead, this concept is simply to keep the conversation in the direction of her interests and likes. If she is talking about a movie she enjoys and happens to mention a football game in the movie, do not suddenly switch the conversation to football. Remain on the topic she enjoys and allow her to feel like what she has to say interests you.

Since you already did the work to approach her and strike up a conversation with her, hopefully what she has to say DOES interest you. Again, in general this concept is to remember to not impose what you want on the conversation. By talking about what she wants to talk about you also get to learn about her. By learning about her, you can develop more leading questions that allow her to talk about what she wants to talk about more. With this positive cycle, you can keep her attention easily.

Compliment Often

complimenting-a-woman
complimenting-a-woman

Being complimentary does not mean annoying her with constant remarks about her beauty. It is not out of line or a bad idea to note a beautiful woman’s face, figure, or other physical qualities. However, this should also not be the focus of your interest in complimenting her.

When she is speaking on an issue of interest, compliment her intelligence regarding the issue. If she is sharing an opinion, perhaps you can complement her on the grace and quality of her argument. Alternatively, perhaps you enjoy her passion and fire regarding issues she is involved with.

Regardless of the compliment, make it as sincere as possible and do so often. If you are not too overt with it, it can be a great way to boost her esteem. In addition, if her esteem is boosted, she will naturally enjoy speaking with you. I think it is safe to say anyone who feels validated by a person sincerely is more likely to talk with them.

What more relationship advice from a man’s perspective? Go here.


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Signs That You Should Break Up

Signs That You Should Break Up; Be prepared

Knowing the signs of when a break up is your best option can be difficult to accept. However, there are telltale instances that you should be able to pick up on and act on confidently. No one should give up on a relationship too easily, and it is often best to think deeply about if the trigger should be pulled on the relationship. If you an already convinced that your relationship is over, learn the ways to leave it.

That said, there is no need to stay in a relationship that has within it obvious signs that there is no way the partnership can work. Nobody benefits form a relationship that has no future. In fact, staying it in hinders both you and your current partner from growing as individuals in positive relationships elsewhere. With that in mind, let’s being with some obvious signs of a dead relationship.

Physical Abuse

A relationship that consists of either partner being physically harmed is reason for an immediate end to this relationship. While some people cannot phantom the idea of allowing someone to abuse them, countless individuals around the world allow themselves to be subject to abuse.

Sometimes the person feels the abuse is their fault or that they have no other options. If you are one of these individuals, speaking with an agency or professional in relationship counseling can give you the sympathetic ear and resources to make your way out of the relationship with the least amount of trouble. Physical abuse is one of the definite signs that you should break up. For more information go here.

Emotional/Psychological Abuse

Though it is often a much more subtle form of abuse, emotional and psychological abuse should never be tolerated by an individual. Sometimes these types of abuse are very subtle and might just need to be talked over. However, if there is obvious and consistent direct verbal abuse or threats of abuse, then you should again direct yourself to a professional or agency that can give you the help you need.

Just because someone does not strike you, or claims that they do not mean it when they put you down, threaten you, or are consistently condescending, does not mean it does not constitute abuse. Your mental and emotional wellbeing is as important as your physical wellbeing and so avoiding relationships that damage them is your right.

With those most obvious reasons out of the way, we can now move on to reasons that are less detrimental to your health, but are also clear reasons to call it quits in a relationship. Really any form of abuse is one of the definite signs that you should break up.

You Are Incompatible

While many cultures love the concept of “opposites attract” it is often not the case that people who are fundamentally different can sustain a long-lasting relationship. This could be one of the signs that you should break up. Often the differences in lifestyle and life’s goals cause a rift between the two couples that cannot be overcome. While initial passion may come from finding someone very different, not having anything in common with a person will deteriorate a relationship over time.

He/She Is Holding You Back

If you are unable to peruse your goals and wants in life, there are compromises that can be made in order to sustain a relationship. However, a point where one must come to terms with a partner who simply is holding them back from achieving their goals.

If you have a promising school or job opportunities and your partner is quite literally the only thing holding you back, it may be time to consider ending the relationship. Being willing to sacrifice for a relationship is important but it must be a two-way street. Letting someone constantly be the barrier to your successes is not a healthy cornerstone to a relationship.

When He/She Is Not Available

A relationship should not subsist of two wholly independent persons. While both must have their own lives, there must be a common life, goal, and aspirations by both persons. If your partner isn’t there for you either by physically being absent too often, or by not being a sympathetic ear and shoulder to cry on, the partner is not fulfilling her/her duties.

Again, communication can help smaller instances of this, but a systematic lack of caring is likely a sign the relationship is going nowhere.

When The Relationship Doesn’t Progress

Relationships, just like people, should grow. When we mature as individuals and as couples, the relationship should reach new stages also. If your partner is unable to reach new levels of maturity with you, or is unable to express basic abilities to grow, then the relationship is likely to not succeed.

Examples are when someone is unwilling to change absolutely anything about their lifestyle or personality, or when your partner is unable to say “I love you” after months or years of a relationship. Commitment issues aside, the general inability to express a progress in the level of caring should give you an indication the person is unwilling or unable to grow. As we evolve as persons, so too must our partners and the relationship we partake with them.

The Same Problems Persist

Certain things about our partners will never change. Many older couples still have some of the same arguments again and again (see dating over 40 for help with this). However, if there are larger problems that continue to occur throughout a relationship, you should find a way out as soon as you notice.

A partner who continually lies, steals, cheats, or is unreliable should not be tolerated after a certain period of time. It is up to each of us to decide when enough is enough. It is often best to allow your partner to know that at some point the consistent lying, cheating, stealing, and so on, will no longer be tolerated. Hopefully, this will spur them into action. If it does not, then you know you did what you could to make it work.

Last Note

No matter the reasons, there can sometimes come a point where a relationship may need to end. Being communicative and honest about the problems that may lead to this end are important. It allows both parties to be heard and gives you and your partner an opportunity to perhaps find a way around a break up. It may also avoid weeks, months, or years of a broken relationship being dragged on. And it if must end, at least you both will know that you took the necessary steps and can avoid an ill-fated second attempt in the future. If you need relationship advice, download our app to speak with our therapists.


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A Nagging Wife – Relationship Advice For Men

Why Am I Impatient Only With My Nagging Wife?

QUESTION: About my nagging wife

Why is it that the only the person I am in a relationship with, (i.e. now my wife), irritates and upset me over small things (that I am normally very patient with people I don’t know very well)?

OUR RESPONSE ON CLARAPY:

Your question is a good one. Unfortunately, there are so many possibilities here, that without a dialogue with you, coming to a definite understanding about WHY you react to your wife the way you do is simply not possible. However, let me give you what I think are the two most common reasons for such reactions (you’ll have to decide which one, if any, fits for you). After that, I will try to give you some ideas on how to CHANGE your relationship and make it more positive. You see, unlike some in my field, I DO NOT believe that understanding WHY is always necessary to make the changes you desire. Hence, while I may or may not give you a clear understanding of WHY, I think I might be able to provide you with help on your relationship none the less.

Anyway…let’s get down to it.

Why do you react to your wife with impatience and irritability, when you do not do so with others?

Possibility #1: Unrealistic expectations for your spouse “nagging wife”.

Here the issue is that you have placed unrealistic expectations on how you feel your spouse should react to you, or handle difficulties, or meet her day-to-day obligations, etc. Such expectations are usually unspoken (sometimes not even conscious), but they are reflected in your feelings about how you think she SHOULD be. If we were to examine just one of the incidents in which you became “irritable and upset,” the question I would ask is “Why was what she did so awful or horrible to you?” More than likely your response would start with something like – “Because what she did was stupid, or wrong!…She SHOULD __________ !” (Here you can fill in the blank).

These “shoulds” are tied to particular relationship roles in our lives. Deep down, we all have some “shoulds” about how we think certain relationships (e.g., mothers, fathers, friends, spouses, children) ought to be. Strangely enough, though, we often only have these “shoulds” for one or perhaps two kinds of relationships in our lives. The others we are more accepting of and less demanding. Usually these “shoulds” become activated (we expect them) when the relationships they’re attached to are believed to be solidified (when you consciously come to the understanding that this person in your life has now taken on a particular role for you). Since you appear to be married, it would seem to me that your “should-ing” on your wife would have FIRST APPEARED relatively early in your relationship, possibly during your engagement or soon after your marriage. Once she became your “wife,” then a whole set of “preprogrammed” expectations clicked into play and Viola!! – She has now become a source of frustration to you.

However, you may be thinking – “But wait…after we got married, we had several GOOD months where she didn’t really seem to bother me. This has only happened recently! In the beginning of our marriage, things were fine!” If this is the case, then either (a) for the first few months you were also facing OTHER huge stressors in your life which totally preoccupied you, and kept you from focusing on her, or (b) we have the 2nd possibility….

Possibility #2: Relationship Meltdown due to Intense Stress.

Displacement is a word that mental health experts use to define the phenomenon of someone who is so stressed with “person/situation A,” but cannot fully express or control it, so they express their frustration on “person B,” who had nothing to do with it. This is a very common thing for all of us. We face the pressures of the workplace or finances, come home frustrated and angry, and then “spill out” that frustration and anger on those we love. Why not wait to give it to others? Because they are simply not as easily accessible. Ask yourself this question: “Have I been under extreme pressure for the past several weeks (or perhaps months)?” “Is it just possible that I have let this stress-pressure effect my patience and consideration for my spouse?”

Consider whether or not you have been able to TALK to your spouse about your pressures. If that seems weird to you, consider some other outlet for your frustration. Often men “vent” their anger not by talking, but by tinkering (such as working in the garage, lawn, or home-improvement project). The other method is mental focus on physical activity, either actual (playing a sport), or vicarious (watching a sport). Perhaps if your “nagging wife” was to just give you some down-time when you come home from work where you can release some of your stress, without trying to interact with her, you may find yourself in a better frame of mind to treat her more appropriately. Perhaps you could ask her nicely.

Now I don’t know for sure if either of these possibilities fits (perhaps both of them do, perhaps neither do). In any case, regardless of the reason, there are some things you can do to change this state of affairs. Let’s explore this….

Overcoming Impatience With Others

Have there been times when you didn’t allow the “small things” to get to you? In those moments, what did you do differently that kept you from feeling irritated and upset? What ever that was, try doing it again! Chances are, you had a different way of thinking about the situation. You experienced those moments with a “this is not such a big deal” kind of attitude. Anger is often a function of us making “mountains out of molehills.” Learning not to sweat the little things is very, very important for relationships to endure. Remember this point: YOU control your level of anger and irritation – NOT THE SITUATION. IT is simply a matter of how YOU CHOOSE TO LOOK AT IT and THINK ABOUT IT. When your wife does something equivalent to the “small things,” you may choose to look at it with irony (in this case you will smile), or look at it with gratitude that she made the effort in spite of the flub (in this case you will feel thankful), or look at it with fear about what negatively may come of it (in this case you will worry and feel anxious), or look at it with concern that YOU may not have explained clearly to her what you wanted (in this case you will feel a desire to explain yourself more clearly). Any of these feelings are possible – GIVEN THE SAME SITUATION. The difference lies not in your wife or in the situation, but in WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO THINK.

Remember this sequence: Situation – Thoughts – Feelings. It is the “automatic” thoughts that you are engaging in that are leading to your feelings of irritation. Try this exercise: Pick the most recent experience where this occurred with your wife. Ask yourself: “What was I thinking when I felt that way?” Then ask yourself: “What could I have thought INSTEAD, that would have made me feel less irritated…perhaps even different?” Consider these possibilities:

“I am inconvenienced by this, but that’s OK.”

“At least she tried, many would not.”

“I do not need to have everything go my way. I would like it. But I know that expecting that it SHOULD is simply irrational.”

“I wonder why she did it that way? I want to find out! I’ll ask her kindly.”

Perhaps you can think of other possibilities. Now the next time you find yourself feeling irritated and upset at your nagging wife, STOP and THINK. Try to replace your thoughts with one of the possibilities listed above (or one that you have created). You may find it hard at first to shift your thinking. After all, it is automatic in nature but you can practice with each experience, replacing your irritation-producing thoughts with thoughts that lead to kindness, consideration, communication, and gratitude. It may take some time, but you can make it happen.

In addition, take some time to go on a real “Date” with your spouse. Make any problems between the two of you off limits during the date. Talk about others, your friends, work… whatever…but enjoy yourself. Take some time to think and talk about what things were like when you started dating each other. Recall your feelings, how you got her attention (or vice-versa), and what you enjoyed about each other. Recalling such memories will help you find more caring and consideration for your spouse.

You are the master of your destiny and “nagging wife”.

I hope this has helped you in some way. If you want more relationship advice from a mans perspective check out relationship advice for men category. Check out our marriage problems section for more.


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Relationship Advice for Men – 5 Questions to Ask Yourself.

Relationship experts suggest asking yourself five thought-provoking questions to help in your decision making process. Experienced counselors who offer relationship advice for men recommend answering the following questions before making your decision:

Relationship Advice for Men – Five Questions to Ask Yourself

1) Why are you considering leaving this relationship? All relationships go through good and bad times and you are bound to hit a rough spot from time to time. Many people consider whether making a clean break might be better for them. Trying to find an answer to this question is good relationship advice for men who are thinking about leaving their partner.

2) Next ask yourself what the real reason is for wanting to leave your relationship. Once you have answered question one it’s time to get to the root of the problem. The truth is that despite the reasons you list for wanting to leave there is usually a deeper reason! Experts who provide relationship advice for men suggest taking the answers to question one and trying to form a single sentence out of it.

3) Now you can begin to think about what you need to consider in order to make your decision. When offering relationship advice for men experts urge them to consider what needs to be done to make ending the relationship work. What are the most important things you need to consider? If you have children you need to consider their financial, educational and social needs, for example. You might feel that in order to remain in this relationship you need to sacrifice things you are not prepared to let go such as having children or continuing your education.

4) How will the other people in my life be affected if I stay or leave? How do I feel about that? It is not always possible to know how your decision will affect your spouse and your children. You need to think about the impact of your decision but ultimately still need to make the right choice for you. Relationship advice for men usually entails considering both sides of the issue.

5) Finally ask yourself: What is the biggest payoff if you were to stay in this relationship and what is the payoff if you were to leave? Being honest about your feelings in this regard can help you to make a decision based on what you really want. Getting relationship advice for men is important. Using the questions above will help you to make a decision that leads to greater happiness in the future.


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Alpha’s Only! Relationship Advice for Men

Columnists will have you think that as a man, you don’t have any interest in anything besides sex. That’s simply isn’t true. Men do have emotions but we live in a world that denies us of them. How many times have heard that boys don’t cry? How about that we should take is like a man?  Looking further into this idea of men having no emotions, it’s clear that we are often ill equipped to deal with our emotions let alone the emotions of women.

Emotional peace is feeling with understanding.

As a result of our emotional handicappedness we tend to process our emotions differently. Some of us express ourselves in anger while some of us go to that spot in our minds where we don’t think about anything.  We know that 9 times out of 10 things will blow over, the drama will subside as long as you refrain from feeding the emotional troll.  This approach works for men. We think mission accomplished and a job well done. Unfortunately, this approach doesn’t make us the best lovers, because we numb ourselves emotionally in the process. Sadly we aren’t even conscious of the numbing process, because we have been conditioned to do so since the beginning. In the end, our wives / girlfriends think we don’t care and that we cannot connect with them.

For men, it’s important that we feel the emotions only so that we can analyze the problem (what men do best) and handle it with the right amount of emotional awareness. If we do this right, women respond favorable because they feel we are connected on that level. And how can we not be connected?  We are understanding how our ladies are feeling and we didn’t have to cry to understand. All we needed to do was to handle the situation with emotional awareness. This is the best relationship advice for men I have received.


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