He Is Seeing Another Girl Now, You’re Still In Love With Ex… So What Should I Do?
It can be a nightmare scenario. You are walking down the street or driving by the local coffee shop when you suddenly see your ex with a new girl. There’s no doubt about it, she is draped on his arm and they are laughing together in a way only couples do. You are still in love with ex huh?
Your heart will inevitably sink into your stomach and you’ll hear a slight high-pitched buzzing as your brain nearly implodes into itself. You always knew that this day would come but it is just a bit difficult to accept. So now what do you do?
Assess Your Situation
In you moment of surprise, shock, and/or anger, you might have forgotten how the situation ought to affect you. For instance, if you are already in a healthy and worthwhile relationship of your own then you have no reason to be upset.
Sure, you are still going to feel some emotional reaction, but if you too have already moved on, then what right do you have to let that anger bother you for more than a few minutes? If you are taking your time to be single after your relationship to him, then celebrate the fact that you are mature enough to avoid falling into unhealthy premature relationships.
It is likely that your initial reaction is to be hurt. This usually manifests in two different emotions. You can either become angry or sad. No matter which emotion is evoked, it is best that you let those emotions out in a private manner.
It is perfectly healthy to let those emotions out, and doing so publicly is sometimes unavoidable. But remember not to make a fool of yourself by making a scene. You are a mature enough person to patiently wait until the time is appropriate to have an emotional outburst. And if your own mental health does not persuade you, then remember that the best way to show your ex that you too have moved on is by putting on a good face, or at least the best face possible.
It Is Not A Competition
Just because your ex has moved on does not mean you have to. Trying to keep up with your ex by attaching yourself to someone or by having an “active nightlife” only shows a level of insecurity and lack of assuradness about yourself.
Instead of trying to keep up with him, realize where you are in the post-relationship cycle. Whether you still need to be sad, angry, depressed, or even a bit in denial about the whole situation is fine. But attempting to turn it into a competition is both petty and turns yourself into an object wielded by your own ego.
Find Out If It’s True
A lot of times, we can jump to conclusions because something seems to be the case. Remember to always make sure that he is seeing someone else before you begin to proclaim it as fact. Also, remember that sometimes one person can say something is true when it blatantly is not to everyone else. Make sure that you have your facts straight to avoid any embarrassing scenarios where you make yourself look like a fool or overreact.
Suspend Your Judgment
It is pretty easy to allow yourself the brief satisfactions of assuming all the worst things about your ex and about the person he is with. While this can bring some brief satisfaction, quite often it is simply that you are feeling hurt or anger and you are purging that feeling.
Instead of allowing yourself to say mean and likely subjective things about your ex and the other person, remember that he is someone you cared about and perhaps he and this other person are happy. While that fact may sting a bit, there is no reason to assume negative things about either of them or their relationship.
Nothing makes you look worse than when you assume they are in the relationship for all the wrong reasons, when really they are content, happy, and just right for each other. Instead, keeping your mouth closed on the issue is the best plan.
Do Not Show Jealously
Being a jealous wreck may be cathartic in some ways, but more often than not, it is simply pathetic looking. Nobody wants to be the wretched ex who says means things about the ex and scoffs at the very mention or site of him. Instead, attempt to be quite and accepting of the fact that he is with someone new. His moving on does not have to be a reflection on you in any way, and the less you remark on it the less likely people are to assume that you havenot moved on as well.
Be Courteous To Her
This is especially an important ability if you live in a small town or you have to interact his new girlfriend. Attempt to be as cordial and kind as possible (in accordance to social dictates). Even if it has not been long since you broke up with him, you should not take it out on her.
Remember that it is likely not her fault that you and your ex are not together anymore. Even if he became interested in her while you were still with your ex, there is no reason to blame her for his attraction. Your anger or sadness with him should not bubble over into your interaction with her. Being rude to her makes you look petty and unfair. Instead, be as nice as you need to and always be courteous when possible to show you are a mature individual.
It is never going to be something you want to see. It is never going to be something you are prepared to see. And when you see it, it is likely not to roll off you like water off a duck’s back. But keeping in mind where you are in your own life, what the situation should mean to you, and how you ought to handle the situation can mean you pull through without too much damage. Life must go on and so must he. Just remember that you too must move forward like everyone else, and so staying obsessed will do you no good. Just keep your focus on yourself and you’ll make it through your ex moving on just fine. If you want to get back with your ex, check out our section on that.